So when it is all said and done. Did I ever get my AHA moment. Yes, I did. However, it did not come as quickly as I would have liked. It came slowly. there were some tings I had to let go of. Some thoughts that were working against me. The pain of doing something so out of character and stupid clouded my mind from seeing what God was really trying to show me.
When I finally settled in and really did some soul searching. It was made clear. As my Friend Kelsi, would say, Clarity is divine, and it is!
So what was my AHA moment. Well it may not seem muc to you but it's the world to me and believe me these words have transformed my life.
DO NOT FEAR!
As i stated before, only a few knew about what was going on while it was going on. But the reason for it all was fear. I was afraid of what people would say. How they would see me. I was afraid of what the Filipinos would say becasue I was not like evangelist rein, or elder Steph. My ministry was different. I was afraid to be who god said I was and be comfortable in that knowledge. I know that I am anointed but when you see others operate sometime we feel less than.
That was my problem. I felt less than. God wanted to use me supernaturally but that meant I had to be okay with how He uses me. NOw dont get me wrong, when I am under the amointing I dont care but I cant afford to be in my flesh at all. The kind of ministry that God has called me to... well I am called to it because it is my spiritual fingerprint. It is the mark that god will leave on the world because I exist to be the vessel that h will use. I got in my own way.
In a conversation, Someone asked me was I mad that God changed his mind. God immediately spoke to me and said "I never changed my mind. You did, Because of fear!" I remember a few years ago I heard or read somewhere that god told us in the bible 356 time to efear not. wile this is not true there are 110+ verses in the KJV of the Bible that tell us to "fear not", "do not be afraid", "Do not fear" etc. so when you think about it, God knew we would struggle with fear and made sure that he mentioned it enough that we would have the knowledge and understanding to overcome fear.
Fear is truly false evidence appearing real. It's a lie from the enemy that we are less than, not good enough, too bad to be transformed...whatever he might be putting in your head to get you distracted off what God is trying to do in and through you. My fear halted me. It did not stop me. Why do I say that, because I have chosen that I am what god says that I am and I will do what god says I will do in the way he has anointed and appointed me to do it. I know not everyone will like my style or hear my testimony but there are those that are assigned to me.
I accept my assignment and move forward. NO MORE FEAR!
You are Bound No More.
Pastor Linda Hillman
(c) 2015 LAH Ministries International
Booklindahillman@gmail.com
Get Your Copy Now
Will You Be Made Whole
In The Meantime
OH WOW, I almost forgot. Before I went to sleep that Sunday morning, I scheduled a post for later that morning. It was a post of my thoughts and I told people about my blogs. Yes, the blogs that I am writing now. The blogs I have written and the ones to come. Well, one more after this one. I knew I had to tell my truth, the whole truth and nothing but. I was thankful that I journaled, so I had an accurate account of what happened, as it happened. I knew I would share everything. I just did not know how. As I was strolling on FB looking at posts and catching up, I came across a post from one of my friends. It was a post on Stephanie D. Mckenzie's timeline.
"Don't worry about what didn't go right. Just know that you haven't been left. You are not alone, and no matter how thigs look like this very moment, you ar destined for something greater. One moment WILL change your life!"
It was not my AHA moment, but t was the beginning of the lesson I would learn from all of this. My AHA moment was still to come. At this point, I can't say that I knew the lesson I was supposed to learn from this or even if there was a lesson for me to glean from. I knew I ws the only one that could endure this and endure I must. this post gave me something to think about.
I looked at the globe that I have on my desk and remembered all the places that God said I would travel to share the Gospel. I began to intercede for each country that came to mind. I began to proclaim deliverance and restoration over the regions. I claimed salvation for those in need, I prayed for covering for the Christians being persecuted for their faith. I prayed that God would do everything he Promised in the Phillippines crusade.
I prayed until I could not think of anything else to say. Again I repented for my failure to be prepared for Kingdom business and told God you give me another chance that I would not let him down again. There was such a peace that entered my home. For the first time in six days, I knew that I would be okay. That it all would work together. I accepted my situation and the shame of it all subsided. When it was time to share my testimony, I knew that I would be able to do it with my head held high.
In tomorrow's blog, I will share what the Lord taught me through this. I must admit that he is still speaking to me about this experience so I am sure there will be more but for now...tomorrow will be the last post regarding my Chronicles of the Phillippines.
The Conclusion (FINALE) will happen tomorrow. See you then.
You are Bound No More.
Pastor Linda Hillman
(c) 2015 LAH Ministries International
Booklindahillman@gmail.com
Get Your Copy Now
Will You Be Made Whole
In The Meantime
I waited and waited. Then I got a message from Rein, she told me that they were setting up the Internet and would be connecting soon. So I waited.When we finally got connected the connection was bad. So we had a few disconnects. I just prayed that God would have His way. We reconnected and I would get knocked off. Nothing seemed to be going right.
Then I was connected and I could see Praise and Worship happening but I could not hear. I was feeling a bit distant and disconnected from them. It was not like the time Evangelist Rein, Elder Steph and I had visited with them before on Skype. that time we could feel God even over Skype. We could hear them and see and we were immediately connected in the spirit with them. I began to pray that the Spirit that was in the Service would transfer to me. Then I lost the pic. After a few more tries, I was back on. I told myself, God's will get the glory.
When it was time for me to begin preaching, before I could open my mouth, we were disconnected again. We kept reconnecting, then I began preaching. As I began to speak, I could feel God's Presence. I could not see them, and I was not sure if they could see me, but I preached as if I was standing there in front of them.
Then I was cut off again. Each time I came back, I would pick right up where I felt off. Then finally, I got cut off and we could not reconnect. I had not even got to my second point. I sat there trying to reconnect. So about 5 AM my time, I logged off my computer and prayed for the service, I knew one of the Other ladies had to complete what I started so I just prayed that God would weave it all together. I messaged Rein and asked her to let me know how it went. about 6 AM I went to bed.
I slept for about 12 hours. Now it is important that I tell you this because normally, I only get 4-5 hours of sleep and my body wakes. Even when I try to sleep longer, I can't so the very fact that I slept 12 hours...meant something to me.
When I finally got up, Not only was I well rested, but I was sluggish. I knew I needed to decide wat to do to inform my supporters, and those waiting to hear about my journey to Philippines. I had stated on FB, that I would have a #ChroniclesofPhillippines. I knew that some were seeing the Pictures Rein had posted and read some of her posts and by now were wondering where my posts were. I had not said anything to anyone except for those that knew about it. Plus I had not really posted anything on FB since my picture I had taken saying that I was preparing to leave that past Tuesday.
Stay tuned for more to come!
You are Bound No More.
Pastor Linda Hillman
(c) 2015 LAH Ministries International
Booklindahillman@gmail.com
Get Your Copy Now
Will You Be Made Whole
In The Meantime
So a few weeks ago, I said that I would finish my chronicles. I must admit this hasn't been as hard as I originally thought it would be. However, I am still learning from this and I pray that in all this that you have been able to see the redemption, healing and restoration that has occurred and is occurring.
It is my hope that these last few entries will bless you as much as they have blessed me.
So the story continues.
Now a short recap, I was was waiting for the AHA moment. That moment that would give me the clarity I was seeking. In the meanwhile, I was waiting to hear from Evangelist Rein about preaching via Skype.
So I get back on my computer about 12 AM. To my surprise, there is an inbox from Rein. I was scheduled to preach at the 6 PM service on Sunday. So I started trying to figure out the time difference. The Phillippines is 15 hours ahead of California. So 6 PM their time would be about 3 AM my time. So I had 3 hours to get myself together. I went to my sermons folder and opened up the file that I had typed for the Word God had given me to share. It was still in notes form because I had figured on the plane I would be able to polish it up and set it up in some kind of format. Now there was no time for that. I read through the notes and then prayed for the delivery of His message to His people. As I prayed, God switched the message from what I was meditating on to a totally different sermon. He impressed on me to preach from Mark 8th chapter about the blind man who was brought to Jesus to be healed and to continue on to the story of Peter confessing that Jesus was the son of God. I read through the verses quickly and asked God what He wanted to say to His people.
Praying and Meditating on the verses, God began to speak so clearly to me. I jotted a few notes, but I must admit, I got a bit unnerved because I felt ill prepared. I knew that God would pull it together. However, I was still a bit panicked.
I continued to pray and ask God presence to go before me and touch the hearts and minds of the people that would be gathered. I asked him to knit me together with them even though we were thousands of miles apart. I anointed myself with oil, my eyes, my mouth and my ears. I asked God to move me out of the way and to use me as a vessel of honor.
At 3 AM my time, I logged into my Skype account and waited for them to connect with me. I sent a message to rein so she would know that I was ready on my end.
Stay tuned, there's more!
You are Bound No More.
Pastor Linda Hillman
(c) 2015 LAH Ministries International
Booklindahillman@gmail.com
Get Your Copy Now
Will You Be Made Whole
In The Meantime
As I rested, the thought occurred to me...there was no AHA moment! Normally when God teaches me a lesson about me. I get an AHA moment. An AHA moment that elevates me. that causes me to be delivered from the bondage that held me captive. But this lesson did not come with an AHA moment. It was a lesson for sure but now, I knew there was more to come.
Remember I said when I got to the airport the second time I immediately knew where my passport was. Well when things like this occur in my life, I immediately know what the root cause was that opened the door to it. What I had just experienced was the symptom, but not the root. I was clear on that. it would seem my insecurities were a root cause, but they were just the tip of the iceberg. I knew this was just the calm before the storm.
So then I asked God, what was I missing, had I missed His instructions. I started thinking about all the prayers that had been prayed from the time I was asked to go to the Philippines to now. Was there ever a "NO". Again when I ask questioned like this to God...He answers and I immediately know where, when and how. He may not tell me Why but I have the answer that I need. Nothing surfaced here. During this time, I had been in the presence of some BONAFIDE prophets and Prophetess. With all the prophetic people in my life including myself, no one said, "Linda god said no" however, there were words about what I would do while in the Philippines, about healing that would occur in my body as God used me to heal others, so where was the AHA moment? Nothing!
I asked more directly, "God where did I miss a step or where did you speak and I misinterpreted it or overrode it with my own agenda like I did when I got the unction to check for my passport? Even as I wrote in my journal about these events at the time nothing was becoming clear. No AHA moment.
Needless to say at 11AM, when Nick called again. He informs me that the ticket price has gone down a few dollars, it is now $928. He believed he could get it even cheaper. I told him I did not have that much, so he asked how much I did have. I told him I could get on my own about $300. Then Nick said something very interesting. He said if I can get you on standby on this flight, can you get at least $400. I told him that might be possible, but the flight leaves at 2:20 PM and I leave 1 1/2 away from SFO. He said we also fly out of Sacramento and there is a flight leaving Sac 9:55 PM. He also told me that the flight was not full so he might be able to get me on the flight. He would call me back after talking with his supervisor and the airline to let me know. I said okay. We hung up. I looked at my packed bags and my passport sticking out of my pouch. I thought to myself well at least this time I won't forget my passport.
A few hours later, I message Kelsi and Rein and tell them about the ticket and jokingly say, if I had the money, I would be on that flight to Manila right now. I chuckle to myself and I feel my eyes tearing up. I had made up my mind to give up. This was my way of letting go. So I decided to get back to working on my projects. I started going through emails and setting new deadlines. As I worked tears starting falling down my face. However, still no AHA moment.
I work on some projects some I have completed. I decide to get up get something to eat and I guess I should tell you. I have still been taking my Malaria pills because up to this point I had been still trying to go to the Philippines. But now after I eat. I decide not to take the pills any longer. I looked at the clock and it was about 2PM now. I sighed because I knew another flight headed to the Philippines would be taking off without me. Now three percent of me was hoping Nick was able to get me on the flight out of Sacramento but 97% was resigned to stay home.
Since agreeing to Preach via Skype, I was waiting on Rein to give me the instruction on time and when. Based on the schedule that we had set prior to going to the Philippines I was to preach first but I knew they had to work some things out with the internet so I thought I would preach last or something. I knew it was approaching Sunday and since I hadn't heard I decided to catch up on some TV shows that I had recorded. Still not hearing anything from Rein, I began to think maybe they did not get it worked out. I turned off my computer and turned off my so I could put it on the charger. I continued watching my recorded programs and dosed off.
Oh, there's more!!!!!! I will continue this in a few weeks..... Consider this the season finale... See you back with more in a few weeks... I promise you will hear all of it.
You are Bound No More.
Pastor Linda Hillman
(c) 2015 LAH Ministries International
Booklindahillman@gmail.com
Get Your Copy Now
Will You Be Made Whole
In The Meantime
I got up on Saturday, Nick the travel agent called me. Now I should tell you that up to this point I had been avoiding talking to Nick. So when he called this time I answered. the price was still the same it was 939 and I said well I still don't have enough money, but I will try to work something out. He said he would call back around 11AM to check on my status.
Now at this time I had not called anyone expect those that knew I had missed the flight the second time. So I called my Mother. I needed her to give me some tough love and wisdom. What my mom did for me in that call was priceless. She did not try to tell me anything but the truth. She said that I should repent to God for sabotaging his plan with my fear. I was like NO, I did not do that. She said, "Linda think about it. God said he was going to do some great things in and through you and because of your issues with what people have said in the past about you, somehow, you let their lies derail God's truth. You let your insecurities undermine what God said. That does not change what god said about you what he is going to do. I know and you know that you should be there. NO are no excuses. You choose this, maybe not consciously, but subconsciously you did. I mean come on, YOU don't do stuff like this, but you did it twice. YOU not anyone else. You can't blame anyone else for this but you. You got in your own way. So repent to God."
I mean my mother let me have it. She did not say if god would move a mountain to let me go. She did not make any promises, but she knew that at the end of the day, I had to be a clean vessel because God has called me to do great things in His kingdom and I can't be tainted when I do them. When I got off the phone with her I was ready to do the work needed to seek forgiveness and to really let go of whatever anger was building in my heart. Once again I heard my friend's words, in essence to examine my heart. I understood, this was just a portion of the lesson God was going to teach me through this whole ordeal and I had to get it right.
I once again knelt by my bedside and I asked God not what to do, or would he make a way once again. I, now humbled myself before him and repented. I asked god to forgive me for blaming him, for blaming Jessica and trying to hide my anger, I asked him to forgive me for leaving my passport not just once but twice, for squandering his blessings and thinking I deserved his favor after I had messed it up. Any thing and everything that came to my mind at that moment I repented for. I had to even ask God to forgive me for letting my mind go to suicidual thoughts. For once again trying to control a situaion by trying to advert his plan because it was hard. I asked him to forgive me for sabotaging his plan even though I did it unaware.
So let me say this, because as I write this now looking back on this situation, I beleive many of us do this. We want so badly to be who God says that we are that we sometimes unaware will allow out habits and hangups to cause us to make decisions that we cant explain in that moment but hindsight is 20/20. While this was going on, I would never had said I would sabotage anything God wanted me to but when my mother said it. It rang true within me. It hurt but I knew I had some messed up stinking thinking that hindered me from giving god my best and doing what he wanted me to do. ask yourself, Do I believe God or do i believe the lies of the enemy? Be honest with yourself. Do you think people areafter you because of your past situations. Do you think you will fail because someone told you you would. We sometimes hear things so much that even though we dont want to believe it, we begin to tell ourselves these lies and accept them as truth. But God is truth and every other man/woman is a lie including you when it comes to god's plan for youe life. Believe God.
Okay now back to my story, LOL. I just had to take a moment to tell ya... what I felt God wanted me to say right there.
So I repented for everything. Whin I got up. there was silence. Now I truly rested. This was a depression rest, or a pity rest but I really rested. I did not want to do work, I did not want to unpack, I could not go back the usual. I just rested. My friend Barbara called to check on me. She encouraged me and as she began to encourage me another hurt surfaced. after the call I took that Hurt to God. My heart was no longer God make a way for me to get to the Philippines but now it was God if you come back tonight, I want to be ready. This flight I really didnt want to miss. I began to see that there was a link. The missed flights, and my heart condition were connected. I asked God to help me truly forgive those that had wronged me. I needed not to be guarded around them. I need not to sideeye them or even have thoughts of concern when they are around. I had to release it completely and fully. NOW God began to speak, He began to instruct me who I needed to have a conversation with and he showed me my heart being washed clean. The scripture:
"Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God." Matthew 5:9
I knew that I needed to make peace with several individuals. From this point on, my main objective was to be right with God. I had made a mistake. I had let me get in the way of doing God's will. It did not surprise God but it had thrown me. One thing I knew the WHY God allowed was still not clear to me but I could not stay there. I had to move forward no matter how this turned out. This situation had me questioning everything the night before. On Thursday night I had been ready to walk away from it all. Today I knew I was right where God wanted me to be. God was going to get the glory for this story.
Now, I started journaling about this on Wednsday night. I wrote about what had happened tuesday and wrote up til Wednesday night. to me athat would have been the end of the struggle and on thursday i would have been writing how God worked it all out and now I am on my way to the Philippines. that was not the case and to be honest I had not journaled the rest of this until Saturday night. But I am getting ahead of myself. as I journaled Wednesday night, god gave me what I thought was a Word to be delivered in the Philippines when I got there. It was about seeing God clearly, so you can understand what His plan for your life is about.
I had told Evg. Rein this in a message and she and Eld. Steph said still deliver the word via Skype. Now they had said this on thursday evening but I was so messed up in my head and heart that I could not agree to do it. However, after having my heart cleansed, I went back and said I would do it. I did not twll them that I was still trying to get there. One thing I knew for sure that if I got on a plane to te Philippines that they would be able to cover for me until I got there. I knew that God's will was goig to be done and I no longer wanted to manipulate or sabotage his plans any longer. So I rested In Him.
And the saga continues...
You are Bound No More.
Pastor Linda Hillman
(c) 2015 LAH Ministries International
Booklindahillman@gmail.com
Get Your Copy Now
Will You Be Made Whole
In The Meantime
Sorry, I thought I had written this blog when it first posted on May 8th but I realized on 9th that it posted along with today's post blank. So I am reposting
So I was standing there. I felt like a fool and I wanted to cry, but there was something on the inside of me pushing me to hold on. I walked around until I found an outlet to plug my phone up, so it could charge. I had been trying to stay close to the ticketing counter so they would not have to look too hard for me and think that I had gone. Now I just wanted to sit quietly somewhere and see what would happen. So I found a plug where I could sit and I waited.
At this point either I would get on the plane or I would need a ride back home. My sister Jessica called me on Voxer, once my phone was turned back on and asked if I wanted her to stay where she was until we found out what would happen with the flight. I told her that was a good idea because I did not know how I would get to Stockton, should that be the case.
I am not sure exactly when Kelsi got to the airport, but I don't think I had sat there more than 15 minutes. When she got there she was parked in front of the wrong airline so I told her which one I was at and told her I would meet her outside. I walked back to the ticketing counter because I wanted to see if anyone was still there and there was a chance that it was not too late to get on the plane. there were a few agents still there, but I could tell they were shutting down terminals and preparing to close shop. The Manager that had tried to help me was walking out the door so I knew the flight had either gone or was about to taxi down the runway. So I went to meet up with Kelsi.
I defeatedly loaded my things in Kelsi car and she drove me to where my sister was waiting for us. Before I got out of the car, Kelsi and I prayed. I heard nothing from God. I asked Kelsi if she got anything and she after a small hesitation said, "All I got was rest and God finishes what he starts." I was not sure what it meant, but I didn't want to process it at that moment nor did I want her to explain it more.
I wanted to cry. Instead I got out the car, loaded up my sister's car and tried not to think. You see I am someone who will try to work things out and fix it. Now all I wanted to do was scream but I knew that would not help my situation. I kept thinking I don't do things like this and how did this happen not just once but twice.
I wanted to blame it on God, I wanted to blame it on my sister not driving faster or not leaving sooner. I wanted to blame myself for not checking when I got the unction to do so. I was angry. No one could have been more angry, disappointed or embarrassed than I was at the moment. I thought about all the money that had been spent on the tickets. I felt foolish.
I did not know what to do, but there was a small feeling that said trust God. I could feel faith draining like sand being pulled by the tide. Every way that God had made for me to go started coming to mind. Especially allowing me to get the ticket that I needed to chang my flight to Thursday. then I thought about how I had left my passport again. It was not the first time this was the second time. Who does that!!! Not me! Well at least up to this point I would have said not me.
See what happens next.....
You are Bound No More.
Pastor Linda Hillman
(c) 2015 LAH Ministries International
Booklindahillman@gmail.com
Get Your Copy Now
Will You Be Made Whole
In The Meantime
I could feel my doubt trying to flood in. My positivity had turned into faith and now it was slowly running out. To keep myself from thinking, I went back to the ticket counter. I asked the same lady if they could wait for my passport, it was on its way. She called over a supervisor. I explained to the supervisor my situation and that my passport was on its way. This supervisor called over someone who had more authority than she did. I explained to him what was going on and he said they could give me to 1:20 PM. I thanked her and looked at my watch it was 12:55PM. At this point, all I could do is wait. He then added, "Tell them to get here as quick as possible."
So I waited. At 1:05, I started pacing, I was getting really nervous. I kept telling myself, "Linda don't think." it became my mantra so I would not have negative thoughts. About 1:20PM, The same man came to me and said, "Do you have a picture of your passport?" I told him, "Yes." He said, "Come on then, we will check you in and hold your luggage until the passport comes." I wasn't sure what he meant, but I said thank you and followed him. As they were checking me in my phone battery started to die, so I got out my charger and gave them the cord. As they worked on checking me in, this man, who had the final say, told me that if my luggage could not get on the flight because it was too close to take off that they would put it on the next flight out which was Saturday. I prayed Lord delay the plane. Because I knew that I had another flight to Cagayan De Oro and since I was leaving on Thursday, I would not get to Manila until Saturday and that flight left Saturday afternoon. I would just make it for that flight with Rein and Stephanie.
I would not think about that now. I would cross that bridge later. Right now, God was working on my behalf and I would not give the enemy any room or a foothold. They checked me in and took my luggage. I got my phone back and asked where an outlet was to charge my phone. I said he would check in with me at 1:30. As I was heading to sit down, I saw a white Lexus that looked like Kelsi car. I remember my heart beating so fast. however, the car pulled off and I realized it was not her. Before I could find an outlet near my phone died.
At 1:30, he approached me again and said, How much longer, I told him I did not know because my phone had died. He pulled his cell phone out and asked for a number to call. The only number I knew was Jessica's so I gave him her numbers and she informed us that Kelsi had the passport ad had left headed to me about 5-10 minutes ago. So I told her to call Kelsi and get an estimate of time because they were wanting to know how much more time I needed. She said okay. I told her to call back on the number that I had called her on. He said we wait and returned to the ticket counter.
For the second time, I prayed Lord delay the plane until they get here and I can get to the boarding area. I stood there watching cars especially white cars coming and going. I stood there until I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was the man again. He had my luggage and a lady was with him. He asked had they come yet or were they close because no one had called him back. I just shook my head. He said, "I'm sorry I can't delay anymore." The lady tore up my boarding pass and removed the tags off my luggage. I shook his hand and thanked him for all his help. He patted me on the shoulder and said there is another flight on Saturday. I wanted to cry but held my tears back.
Now my prayer changed. I prayed, "God hold up the airplane, let them have a delay and have him come looking for me letting me, so I can still board the plane." I willed Kelsi to drive up soon.
See what happens next...
You are Bound No More.
Pastor Linda Hillman
(c) 2015 LAH Ministries International
Booklindahillman@gmail.com
Get Your Copy Now
Will You Be Made Whole
In The Meantime
Finally, we are at SFO, I get my luggage and situate myself so I can maneuver my bags. I walk up to the ticketing counter, put my check-in bag on the scale and proudly announce, "I here to check in for my flight."
I open up my carry-on purse and pull out the famous purse pouch. I smile to myself becasue, see I did not forget it. I look and NO passport. I move the items around and NO passport. then it hits me like a ton of bricks. I left it in the copier in my home office. My heart sinks. I look once again, I can't believe I have done this again. trying to buy time I give the representative my Driver's license and pull out my cell phone.
Okay, okay, I now you want to know how I left my passport in the copier. Well, the night before I was reading things online about traveling internationally alone ans some precautions one should take. Many of the sites said, make a copy of your passport and leave with family members in the states in case something happen. they also said I should have copies on my person to hand to hotels that require having your passport on file. This way you don't have to give them your original. So after reading that I went to make copies of my passport. However, after making the copies I never put my passport back in my pouch purse.
So now I am on the phone wth my sister, Jessica, again. She is at work and I ask her to go to the house and get my passport out of the copier and drive it to a meeting place I will tell her so someone can meet her and bring the passport to me. I look at my watch while I am talking to her and see that it is 11:02 AM. The plane does not leave to 1:55 PM. So we have more than enough time to. She agrees to do and I ask what is the latest I can check in for the flight. They tell me 1PM.
My next phone call was to Mother Pryor, I could hear the disappointment in her voice when I told her what had happened. She called my name "Linda" like only a mother could do. She said she would pull off the freeway and wait for instructions where to meet Jessica because she had to get back to get her grandson by 2PM.
I called my middle sister, Stephy to see if she was off work. Unfortunately, she was at work. My plan was to have Jessica drive to her and Have Stephy, who is a fast driver like myself bring the passport to me. But she was at work. I asked if they would let her leave ans she said it was just two of them in the Pharmacy and she would not be able to leave.
Then I called Kelsi, a friend that lives in Richmond. I need to have a backup plan. I asked her if she had time to help in this situation. She was willing to do whatever was needed. She also suggested that I let Mother Pryor go so she could get back to ensure that she was there for Caleb. I told her it would be easier for us to Vox. I hung up with Kelsi and called Mother Pryor back. I told her she could go that Jessica and Kelsi would make sure that I got my passport. Then I waited.
I looked at my watch it was about 11:20 now. I hadn't heard from Jessica about her leaving the house. Kelsi and I were trying to figure out the fastest route. We were going back and forth and Kelsi reached out to Rein. rein advised her that meeting up in Oakland would be best. So Kelsi told me to have Jessica meet her at Powell street in Emeryville.
I called Jessi and asked where she was and did she have my passport. I was expecting her to say yes. but her answer was I am just leaving my job. I looked at my watch. I was like okay, as long as she gets there and leaves by 11:45 we should be good. Kelsi had told me from Emeryville it would take her 30 minutes if there was no traffic. So I knew it would take Jessica 45 minutes to an hour.
I get a call from Jessica and I look at my phone it is about 11:50. She was looking in the wrong place for my passport. I explain that it was in the printer/copier. She said okay I got it. I then instructed her she needed to hurry because I needed to get the passport by 1PM. I told her to call me when she was on the road so I could have an estimate of when she would be able to meet up with Kelsi. I mean she has my passport in hand nothing is stopping her from walking out the door right now. Right?
I go back to the ticketing counter and asked what is the absolute time I could check in. the lady I spoke to told me no later than 1:10PM. Whew, 10 more minutes. I breathe a little but from this point on NOTHING can go wrong. At about 11:59 Jessy calls and says she was on her way. I flash a bit but I hold my peace. For the first time, the thought crosses my mind she is not going to make it. I immediately push it out with an outspoken statement, she HAS to make it. Now I forcing myself to think positive. If God could part the Red Sea, surely he could get my passport here on time to me. I prayed that there would be no traffic or accidents and everything would flow well. NO delays. Then I looked at my watch and pleaded for God to slow time for me like he did for Joshua. I should have asked for God to STOP time, or make the Sun stand still which is what he actually did.
I called Jessi for a progress report and she was just approaching Tracy. Then I got a thought. I said I know that you are driving, but see if you can take a picture of the data page of my passport and text it to me. Be Safe but let me know if you can. NOW, I know someone is going to say, OH no you didn't put that girl's life in danger to do that for you. But sadly I did. I told you this was going to be the real and the raw. I am not going to leave stuff out because it makes me look bad or sound bad. So yes, I did that. Now I know you can't text and drive safely, that whole thought process was wrong on so many levels. My only excuse was this girl was desperate and desperate times calls for desperate measures.
Needless to say a few minutes later my phone chimed with a text message and there it is. I look at it to make sure all the necessary information is on the pic. I blow it up and everything is there and it's readable. I got back to the ticket counter and asked the rep there if they can check me in with the pic of my passport. She looks and says no she needs to scan it. I walk away a bit defeated. I was hoping that they would have been able to do it.
My thought process was...they would see that I had a passport. Check me in on the flight and get my luggage to the airplane. then I could continue to wait for for my passport and run to get on the flight once it got there. But this way I would not miss the check in time. My thought was that would give them more time to get there with the passport since the plane did not actually leave until 1:55 PM. So hearing that she needed my physical passport. I whispered a prayer as I walked back to sit and wait. I asked God to grant me favor. Let the plane have to be delayed allowing them enough time to get here with my passport. I checked in with Jessica again she was entering the Altamont. Now in her defense Jessica was making very good timing. But with a time restraint, I was praying that she would drive faster. I looked at my watch and it was about 12:35 now. For the second time, I thought she isn't going to make it. The drive from that point was still about 20-25 minutes. Once again, I prayed that there be no traffic to slow her down. But once she got to Kelsi, there was still 30 minutes before they would get it to me. I breathed deeply and thought, God let them make it.
Continue to read what happens next...
You are Bound No More.
Pastor Linda Hillman
(c) 2015 LAH Ministries International
Booklinda@gmail.com
Get Your Copy Now
Will You Be Made Whole
In The Meantime
So now it's is April 22, 2015 and I have to admit I was not excited to still be in the USA nor was I looking forward to making this call to Priceline. So I slept another hour. When I woke up I saw that I had messages from Rein on voxer, Rein's mom, and Stephanie. I did not have anything to report yet so I ignored them all and fixed me something to eat. I did not want to talk to anyone until I knew what God would say.
I don't know about you, but I get weird wen people try to encourage me but all the while make me feel worse. I just did not want to hear the cliches. I just wanted to know what God would say. After breakfast, I checked a few emails, and then I said okay Linda... time to stop stalling. Call Priceline. The moment of truth was here.
I dialed the number and got another representative.I began to explain my situation and she saw all the notes that had been made the day before. She asked me a few questions, put me on hold and came back with the authorization from China Southern to get on the Thursday flight. I smiled. She hen figured out what it would cost me to get on the flight with all the change fees and would you know it. It was $10.00 cheaper than the originally quoted price. My mouth dropped. Did God just do it again? Yes, he did. She informed that I would get a confirmation email in 2-4 hours.
Stephanie had put a fleece before God the night before and God had answered. So now I got busy, cleaning, doing laundry and tidied my room. And because I knew that my luggage could only be 40 lbs and my carry on could only be 12lbs. I made sure that they were and put then at the front door. Along with my purse like carry on which had my PASSPORT in the purse like pouch. I would not forget it this time.
When I got the email, I called Priceline just to confirm everything was done right. I did not want to take any chances. When I got off the phone, I did a two-step to the Lord. It was done. Once again, I would be on my way to the Philippines. Pastor Cailing had been messaging me and asking where I was. I told him what happened but that I would be leaving the next day so I would see them when I got there. He said the intercessors would be praying for me and safe travels.
After everything was done and confirmed. I got busy working again on my publishing projects. Now as I pondered on the events that led up to this. I know now that God was teaching me to trust him. As I stated before I would rather worry than trust, anyone including god. So I believe this was showing me that God was in control and he would work it for the good.
I am so quick to jump to being the victim in a situation. I am quick to believe that God would do harm than good. that somehow I don't deserve good things to happen to me. That the miracles, I hear about God doing the impossible, somehow are not meant for me. I know that is the immediate lesson but why I had to go through the missing of the flight. the truth is at this point I don't care all I know is I'm one more step closer to completely trusting God, first. So the journey continues.
Stop by tomorrow to read what happened on April 23rd.
You are Bound No More.
Pastor Linda Hillman
(c) 2015 LAH Ministries International
Booklindahillman@gmail.com
Get Your Copy Now
Will You Be Made Whole
In The Meantime
My phone rang and it was Stephanie. She was calling to encourage me and being the woman of God that she is, she helped me by giving me the portion that I lacked as a loan. Tears flooded my eyes and rolled down my checks because iI get had the money that I needed. So i put her on hold and called Priceline back but I couldn't get through. I know now that my trip number had been reported as a no show so it was not showing in the automated system. At that time, I was frustrated. So I got on my computer went to their site and opened up a live chat session. During that chat session they gave me a number to call in and speak to a person.
Talking to the Representative at priceline and going through what I had gone through just a few hours earlier, he comes back and says the price of the ticket has raised to 518.30. However, with I knew that would take all that I had but I could pay that amount. We started the process and as he began to take my information, he started calling my name and aksing me if I was there. I kept saying I am here and then he disconnected the phone. I told stephanie that I was having trouble getting through. So she said just take my information and put the money in your paypal. Then handle your business and let me know what happened. I agreed.
I then called back into Priceline and get another representative. She takes me through the same process as the others but then she says I need to call China Southern to get an authorization for you to get on the flight. I said okay. She placed me on hold and after a while comes back to say that she was unable to get China Southern on the line beciase their office has already closed. I asked her to check to see if the others had already gotten an authorization. She says she does not see it in the notes. Now you have to know that all these calls happened within 4-5 hours. She tells me that I have to call back in the AM because there is nothing that she can do. She verifies that the price is still 518.30, however, she says again that they can not guarantee the price and it may go or even go down by the morning. Frustrated and helpless, I hang up the phone. I sigh deeply. I need to be distracted. So I start working on my publishing projects.
As I worked on my publishing projects, My thoughts were going all ver the place, I remembered how God had rebuked me for thinking that this was not suppose to happen, that maybe he really did not make this happen for me. A peace fell upon me and my mind quieted, I heard God say "Trust Me." I admit trusting is a hard pill for this girl to swallow. The unknow was facing me but I had to choose to trust God. I could hear my voice from a few nights before telling rein and Stephanie, "Either we trust God or we dont." Now I had to live those words. I was able to focus on my projects. I got engrossed in reading emails and making phone calls and then my phone rang again.
It was Stephanie calling back to see what happened. So as I explain to her what happened and how I am going to get a ticket for Thrusday's flight no matter what and Stephanie stopped me and said, "Listen to me, you got to sit still and hear what God is saying in this situation. Right now you cant hear God because you are too emotional." It was like a slp in the face. it got my attention. I remember taking offense a bit but I listened to what she was saying. The last thing I wanted was to miss God.
As I listened to Stephanie, and even though I did not want to hear what she was saying, she was right. I also knew that I could not completely hear God in this situation if I did not journal. Most times the healing from my brokeness comes from journaling and somehow God takes over and begins to speak through me. However, I knew that if I began to journal in the state of mind that I was in it would turn into a pity party. Like Stephanie Said I had to be still and rest. No plotting, no scheming and no manipulation. Just pure rest.
I had to release my fears, and grab ahold of my faith. I was running scared right now and God could not operate in my life like he needed. Stephanie said let's pray. Her pray was not the usual God work a miracles and make it happen but it was a simple prayer, "Lord have your way." In her prayer she said that when I called in the morning that if it was meant for me to go, the price would be the original price quoted or less. If it was not meant for me to go it would be more. I remember holding my breath and refusing to thik in that moment. I rebuked any negative thoughts. and simply said "Have your way Lord."
I remember being a little worried, but I heard the words again, Either we trust God or we dont. We chatted a few minutes more and hung up the phone. I decided not to take anymore calls or talk to anyone else that night. I would shut down from working and rest like Stephanie had said. I didnt want any other opinions to flood my mind. I just wanted to know now what God would say and I would not find that out until the morning.
As I got ready for bed, I heard God say, "Trust Me." I whispered Lord I believe but help my unbelief. I went to bed.
More to come tomorrow...
You are Bound No More.
Pastor Linda Hillman
(c) 2015 LAH Ministries International
Booklindahillman@gmail.com
Get Your Copy Now
Will You Be Made Whole
In The Meantime
So I am now back at my home. I'm defeated and embarrassed. I leave my luggage in the car because I don't even want to think about I was supposed to be on a plane flying over the Pacific Ocean right now.
I went into my room and gave myself 15 minutes to wallow in this depression that was creeping over over. I cried, I screamed and I said every thing I could say to get my anger out. I was so frustrated, I got a pillow and punched until my arms hurt. then when the 15 minutes, well maybe a total of 30 minutes, was over. I washed my face.
I went to my desktop and at down to begin making plans to get on the Thursday flight. I called China Southern first. I was hoping they would have better news than the ticketing agent had at SFO. However, they did the same told me to call Priceline. I went to their website, to confirm that there was a flight on Thursday. Then I called Priceline.
I told the Representative what happened and they conformed that there was a flight on Thursday on China Southern identical to the flight I would have been on today. Which means I would leave at 1:55 PM on Thursday April 23rd. For the first time since realizing I left my purse I smiled. There was a ray of hope. then the man I was speaking with told me to get on the flight I would have to pay 200.00 change fee to China Southern, $30.00 fee to Priceline to make the change and the difference between the price of the ticket I had paid for and the new ticket. The total was $463.30. I thanked the ticket agent. Told him I would call back.
I checked my accounts to see if I had the money to pay and all I had was $300. I was short $163.00. So I said to myself, "God this is when you step in."What do I do now? Help Lord!"
Now the ticket agent told me that he could not secure the price and if I called back later the price could be different. It could go up or down. At this point I was not phase by that becasue I didnt even have the amount he was asking for. I had to wait on God. I asked a few friends that knew what was going on, to pray for God's intervention.
I can admit my faults, and at this point I felt doubtful. I even began to questioned if I was really suppose to God. I had questioned it on the drive back to Stockton and God had rebuked me strongly. He forced me to remember what He had done up to this point. However, here was another impossible situation and why does it always have to be hard for me? Why do I always have to fight for my blessings? Why cant things just go as planned for me?
I knew that Stephanie might not know so I got on FB and sent her an inbox ato inform her what was going on and bought her up to speed with the latest news. then I said, "Help Lord!"
I wanted to post something on FB and ask the people of God to pray like they had prayed before, this would be waht I would normally do. this time however, something said no. I could hear Stephanie saying not everyone is supporting you that says they are. You cant tell everybody everything. The One thing I knew was I wanted God to work this out and I did not want anyone to hinder or speak negatively. So I did not post anything. I didn't even call my mom to tell her that I missed my flight. I would wait on God to speak and move on my behalf. I did not want to manipulate the situation at all. So I vowed to myself that I would not tell anyone else at this point until God fixed it.
Keep reading, tomorrow more will be revealed.
You are Bound No More.
Pastor Linda Hillman
(c) 2015 LAH Ministries International
Booklindahillman@gmail.com
Get Your Copy Now
Will You Be Made Whole
In The Meantime
So my mother and I hang up the phone and I reach for my carryon bag to get my little purse pouch with my passport in it. and OH NO! it's not there. I look in my seat, nothing. I look on the floor of the car, nothing. Now my heart begins to pound. I look again just in case I missed it. It's not here!
I think back, did I take it in the bathroom with me at the gas station. No I took was my phone and I had my phone with me. So I look again. Now Caleb asks is something wrong? I can see the concern on his face. I keep looking. Where is my purse? I am now frantically looking for this little pouch-clutch purse. Caleb again asks, "Is something wrong?" I finally speak it, "I am looking for my purse." He begins to help me look but we find nothing. I could feel the panic and the frustration at this moment sipping in.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, I left it in the car. My mother's car that was parked in Stockton, CA in front of Rein's house. We were in Hayward at the moment. I looked at my watch and it was about 11:50. We were about to approach the San Mateo Bridge so we could not turn around now. We would never make it there and back. My heart beats faster. we were about 100 miles from Stockton. Our flight was scheduled to leave at 1:55 PM.
Now I am frustrated with myself and I feel stupid. How could I have left my purse with all my identification, credit cards, cash and MY PASSPORT! I am furious at myself and my embarrassment is growing. I cant blame anyone but me.
So let me just slip this in at this point. I DONT leave my purse. I will forget my keys, hair brush and other stuff but my purse... That is not going to happen. I guard my purse like fort knox. Especially my identity. I have had identity theft so I am always eyeballing my purse. So to leave my purse that is not me at all. So this now feels like an attack. Like there are forces beyond me at work here. How did I leave my purse? How did I know sense this sooner? It's baffled me. However, this situation has no easy solve to it.
I call my little sister and asked her to go to the car to verify my purse was there. I told her to call me back ASAP.
When we got to the airport, we unloaded the car. I went to the ticketing counter and asked when the next flight was going out. They told me the next flight would be Thursday. I felt the bile in my throat. THURSDAY! I asked if they had another flight on a affiliate airline that was going out later that day. They seemed to not understand what I was asking. My heart sank. So about 10 minutes after talking to the ticketing counter my sister called me back and confirmed my purse was in the car. I was releaved but disappointed. i would have to miss my flight. This was really happening... another obstacle to this trip.
I went back to the ticketing counter to see if I could get on the Thursday flight for sure and I was told that I needed to go back to where I purchased the ticket to make arrangements. So with nothing left to do at this point. I loaded my things back in the car and headed back to Stockton, defeated, discouraged, embarrassed and feeling stupid. I could not blame antone but me, I wasn't even being rushed. It was just a silly unfortunate mistake.
This story contuinues so come back tomorrow to hear what happens next.
You are Bound No More.
Pastor Linda Hillman
(c) 2015 LAH Ministries International
Booklinda@gmail.com
Get Your Copy Now
Will You Be Made Whole
In The Meantime
Now let me interject another little sidebar here, believe me all this is important. The night before we were scheduled to leave, Rein asked if I was going to drive. I told her I was planning on riding to the airport with her and her mother, so I would not have to park the car there and pay for long term parking.
Later, she mentioned that her mom's car was having battery problems. She was hopeful that they would resolve it by the morning, but I need to beware that a backup plan might be needed. When it was said, I felt that maybe I should just drive but said nothing because she was sure that it would work out. Now, I did not have the money for parking but I felt if we had to park the car there God would supply the need. I knew that if I had to drive, I would have to call my mother, since the car I had access to was hers and she was under the impression that her car would be parked in the garage at our house. She does not do well with changes. So I was a bit concerned about telling her but not worried.
As the conversation progressed, my concerned went away. So I just told myself I would tell Rein in the AM that I would drive. So when I woke up there was a message from Rein saying that the battery had been replaced and all was well. Her mom would drive us to the airport. So I never offered to drive.
So I am now running my errands and I get to Rein's house about 9:45 AM. I load my luggage in the car. While I am standing there chit chatting with her mom. I realized I did not pack my comb and brush. So I ask how much time do I have I need to run to my house and get those items and come back. She said about 10 minutes. So I get in my car and jet to toward my house. As I am driving, I see Hollywood Beauty Supply and I just stop there to get a comb and brush instead of driving back to my house. In doing this that would make the trip a bit faster. I get back to Rein's house, park the car in the spot where it had been parked before and Rein says, "You can't park there. Pull up in the garage." I do this and get out of the car and hop into Mother Pryor's car. Now I'm excited because we are officially on our way to the airport.
We stopped at the gas station, and I jump out to use the restroom while they are pumping gas. SFO is about an hour and half drive maybe two with traffic. I got back in the car and we were off. As we drive I look through emails and FB post and respond in kind. Then we decide to check-in online for our flight. I remember thinking "Oh my, this is really happening." Now it's not that I thought it wouldn't happen. I had gone through so much to make it to this point. But even more than that. God has promised me international ministry since I was 14. It seemed so great and so vast a vision, you just wonder how is god going to do it. I had gone to Italy when I was 31 but had not been back since then and for it to be happening now. I am just amazed at God. I took a breath and told myself to live in the moment. God had showed up and showed out for me. "I thought to myself, you about to see the realization of God's promises to you and this is only the beginning.
I tried to call my Mom because I had tried calling her while I was running my errands and got no answer. My mother is in Texas so I knew, she was up and about. Still no answer from her. I scrolled through my phone again and made a mental note that I would have to charge my phone while I was waiting to board the airplane. Chit chatting with Rein and her mom, my mom calls. IN all the excitement, I had forgotten it was my mother's birthday. So after I apologized and made a big deal about that. I told her I was going to text her the data page of my passport, just in case something went wrong. We chatted a few more minutes. My mom wishes us Godspeed on out journey and tells us to preach the word with God's anointing. I can hear in her voice that she is proud of us. My mother is not an emotional woman, so I have learned how to discern her emotions in her speech.
When I hung up the phone, I went to take out my passport to take a picture of my passport to send to my mother.
I know.... you want to know what happened, but I will continue tomorrow. I am trying not to make this post too long. :). You will not miss anything, I promise the good the bad and the ugly is going to be in these post.
You are Bound No More.
Pastor Linda Hillman
(c) 2015 LAH Ministries International
Booklindahillman@gmail.com
Get Your Copy Now
Will You Be Made Whole
In The Meantime
So on Tuesday I head to the Pharmacy to pick up my prescription. When I get there, I am told that the prescription is ready. SO I hand them my insurance card so it can be run through my insurance. The pharmacy tech comes back and says that my insurance is no longer accepted through Walgreens. I should try Rite-Aid or CVS. If I got it through them I would have to pay 79.00 even with my prescription discount card.
She explains I would need to have the other pharmacy of my choosing to request that they fax over my prescription. So I call CVS, because that is where my sister works and I knew she would let me know if they were telling me the truth.
CVS sends the request and the Man assures me that in a few hours my prescription should be ready. So I call back in about 3 hours and CVS has not received the prescription yet. So I call Walgreen's. They tell me it was faxed over but they will fax it again. So I go on with my day and decide to check with my sister to see how much it would cost. So I text her. She text me back and says through CVS it would be 97.00. I was like man, I am so glad I have insurance that's more than Walgreen's.
On Wednesday, I call CVS and my prescription is ready so I go to pick it up while I'm out running errands. When I get there, I give them my insurance card and they said it will take about 15 minutes to rerun my prescription through my insurance to get the price if any. I walk around CVS window shopping until I hear my name called over the loudspeaker. I return to the pharmacy.
Now here's where it get interesting. I am told that my insurance WILL not cover it. So the cost is 97.00 or they can ask my doctor to prescribe a different prescription that may be accepted by my insurance. feeling a bit nervous now. I say okay they tell me they will call me when it's ready.
So, I leave. and I wait. and I wait. and I wait. Now I call back it's been almost a week since I took it to CVS and I have not heard from them. They tell me my doctor has not responded. So I decide to give it another day.
Now it's two days later, and I have just a few more days before I will be leaving. CVS still has not heard back from my doctor. So I go to my doctor's office to get them to respond. I am told that Malaria pills only have one dose and the prescription that was given was the most commonly used one.
So I ask the ladies and the people of God to pray. I need these pills and I have only a week to get them. I just did not have the 97.00 to spend and I really needed them to come down.
CVS and I go back and forth for the next week. Then I post on FB, I need God to intervene once again for me. One of my friends say she is going to western union me some money. So my prayer is God let me get it for the original price, so the money she sent me will be enough.
I go Friday afternoon to pick up the prescription. The Pharm Tech gets my information and says that will be a total of 116.00, I hand her my discount card, because I remember that Walgreens said that even with my discount card it was 79.00. She says it does take some off but with the discount card it would still be 100.00. I only have 80.00. I was about to say I'll have to come back, when the Pharm Tech says wait a minute let me ask the Pharmacist something.
She comes back in about 5 minutes and says, "Your cost is 42.00!" She used a different discount card that they have at CVS. Not only that, but they did not have the generic brand that my doctor asked for so they gave me the name brand drug. I almost cried on the spot.
So now you can see how God moved on my behalf, in miraculous ways. Like I said before this is just one of many stories. I know that some of you ready this blog were the ones praying for me so I wanted to share.
So now April 21st was here and it was the morning of the day we would fly to the Philippines. I got up excited, took my shower and dressed comfortablely. it was going to take us two days to get there with an overnight layover in China. I ran some last minute errands and then met up with Rein and her Mom at their house.
Hope you are following along on this journey, more to come.
You are Bound No More.
Pastor Linda Hillman
(c) 2015 LAH Ministries International
Booklindahillman@gmail.com
Get Your Copy Now
Will You Be Made Whole
In The Meantime
