Defining Church Hurt

There is a term that floats around in the Christian arena...it is called Church Hurt. What exactly is church hurt? well, I am glad you asked this questions because it has several answers. However, for the purpose of this ministry and blog Church hurt is defined in this manner:

Church hurt is all offenses that take place in church while doing ministry by other Christians, saints, and especially the clergy. So in other words, if you have been in church and things have happened to you or those you are concerned about that left a bitterness in your heart, maybe even caused you to leave a church to attend another, or even worst you stop going to church altogether. I asked that you know this is a safe haven for you. You can tell the story, no one will belittle you or make you feel like your feelings don't matter. However, understand this, this is a place of healing so we will help you work through the pain, anger, bitterness and unforgiving to get you to a place where you can begin to breathe again. It's our desire to get you to a place of healing and restoration.

No it does not mean that you will have to go back to the church you left but you will have to forgive them and release them and yourself from the jail that you have built. It means you will have to trust again. You will have to open yourself up again.  I know now it seems like you cant, but through the testimonies of others and my testimony I know you will see how it is possible to live in forgiveness.

So, just give this ministry a try...I know you will see that we care you and your soul and we truly want you to live in freedom.

You are Bound No More. 

Pastor Linda Hillman 

God Can Heal Your Wounds

The real question is will we let God heal us? 

A lot of us have difficulty in relating to others because of hurts in our lives. These affects the way we communicate and also the way we handle ourselves. This is one reason why we intentionally or intentionally hurt others. Not until we are healed from our pains, we  will always have difficulty in facing life. God's desire and will is to heal us from our hurts as part of His plan in restoring us. However, we must be willing to let Him work in our life.

Life's Realities ...

• Wounds in our heart take place when we allow Sin, Unresolved Past, Unforgiveness, discouragement , Feelings of Rejection control our lives. Hurts in our hearts will be revealed during conflicts in relationship and times of crisis.
• Jesus is near to the brokenhearted. He understands our pain. He is willing and able to heal and restore us.
• A healed heart will always result to a contented and joyful life. It makes us generous in every area of our lives. It enables us to handle conflicts in relationships properly.
• There is a connection between a healed heart and a positive attitude ( Proverbs 17:22 ).
• God has provided for our healing but we still have a choice if want it or not. If we decide to be restored then we must be willing to let Him have it His way.

Steps to Freedom our damaged emotions

A. Receive comfort from God by surrendering our hurts to Him.
( Matthew 11:28; 1 Peter 5:7 )
B. Confront your past with God's Forgiveness .
(Isaiah 1:18; Matthew 18:21-35; Acts 3:19; 2 Corinthians 7:10)
C. Refuse to believe that you are product of your past experiences.
(Proverbs 24:16; Philippians 3:13-14)
D. Focus on your identity in Christ and build on it..
(Philippians 3:13-14; 4:13)
E. Choose not to be hurt when you are
offended by receiving and walking in the love of God.
( 1 Thessalonians 5:11; James 5:16 )

You are Bound No More. 

Pastor Linda Hillman 
(c) 2015 Living Above Hurt Ministries

Why or How Come?

“What does not take me out, makes me stronger.” 

Many of us say the phrase after we have come out of a trial or hardship. We tend to get a sense of empowerment from this statement. The real question here is do we truly believe this statement. Is this just one of those statement that sounds good after a period of stressful situations. What if you are still in the midst of your dilemma, can you say this phrase? Can you claim the triumph even then? Do you ask “Why” me, why did I have to suffer? Do you harbor bitterness and unforgiveness?

You see many of us are so preoccupied with the “WHY” something happen that we may never get to the “HOW COME”. With that said, the question becomes, “How come this occurred and what am I suppose to learn? Exploring this can be daunting, so here are a few tips.

You need to ask yourself what is my pain. A doctor prescribes medication because of the symptoms the patient says they are experiencing. More simply put, when you go to the doctor with a pain in your stomach, you describe it to the doctor and he does an examination. With the information you have given him and what he finds through his examination, he then prescribes a medication regiment that will allow healing to occur. Now, it is understandable that the medication itself does not heal the body but what it does do is cause the pain to subside. In the absence of your discomfort, your body can then heal itself. What a concept, the medical profession has taught us to get rid of the pain so the process of healing can happen. If you ask yourself this question, do not use other words like what is the problem or who is my problem. Stay focused on you. Moving from what is my pain to what is the problem, you are minimizing your discomfort. It is like taking an Advil for a toothache. You may feel okay for a while but eventually the pain is going to come back because you have not dealt with the real issue and no healing is occurring.

Knowing what your pain is will lead to, “Why am I stuck?” Many will try to brush past this. If you have ever had an open wound, you know that it must heal from the inside out. This process can take a while and if you are not careful, the skin will begin to close on the surface but the wound is not total healed underneath. When this occurs, you have to reopen the wound to allow the healing to take place correctly. The same is true for inner healing. You must allow the inside to be healed before it will show on the surface. No facades that will hide the festering boil underneath. Being stuck in a rut and not understanding why things happened, can only lead to repetitious behaviors. These behaviors will keep you living in misery and regret, making one bad decision after another because you have not learned how to avoid it.

This is when you have to define the how come. The “how come” is logical reasoning. The “how come” will bring the change in your behavior you have been looking for. It will help you learn the lesson life was teaching you. For instance, maybe you were in that bad situation because you needed to learn self worth. The “how come” only comes with clarity of vision and after you probe deep inside yourself.


You are Bound No More. 

 Pastor Linda Hillman 
(c) 2015 Living Above Hurt Ministries 

Philippines Chronicles: When God Speaks! Part 4

So my mother and I hang up the phone and I reach for my carryon bag to get my little purse pouch with my passport in it. and OH NO! it's not there. I look in my seat, nothing. I look on the floor of the car, nothing. Now my heart begins to pound. I look again just in case I missed it. It's not here!

I think back, did I take it in the bathroom with me at the gas station. No I took was my phone and I had my phone with me. So I look again. Now Caleb asks is something wrong? I can see the concern on his face. I keep looking. Where is my purse? I am now frantically looking for this little pouch-clutch purse. Caleb again asks, "Is something wrong?" I finally speak it, "I am looking for my purse." He begins to help me look but we find nothing. I could feel the panic and the frustration at this moment sipping in.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, I left it in the car. My mother's car that was parked in Stockton, CA in front of Rein's house. We were in Hayward at the moment. I looked at my watch and it was about 11:50. We were about to approach the San Mateo Bridge so we could not turn around now. We would never make it there and back. My heart beats faster.  we were about 100 miles from Stockton. Our flight was scheduled to leave at 1:55 PM. 

Now I am frustrated with myself and I feel stupid. How could I have left my purse with all my identification, credit cards, cash and MY PASSPORT! I am furious at myself and my embarrassment is growing. I cant blame anyone but me. 

So let me just slip this in at this point. I DONT leave my purse. I will forget my keys, hair brush and other stuff but my purse... That is not going to happen. I guard my purse like fort knox. Especially my identity. I have had identity theft so I am always eyeballing my purse. So to leave my purse that is not me at all. So this now feels like an attack. Like there are forces beyond me at work here. How did I leave my purse? How did I know sense this sooner? It's baffled me. However, this situation has no easy solve to it. 

I call my little sister and asked her to go to the car to verify my purse was there. I told her to call me back ASAP.

When we got to the airport, we unloaded the car. I went to the ticketing counter and asked when the next flight was going out. They told me the next flight would be Thursday. I felt the bile in my throat. THURSDAY! I asked if they had another flight on a affiliate airline that was going out later that day. They seemed to not understand what I was asking. My heart sank. So about 10 minutes after talking to the ticketing counter my sister called me back and confirmed my purse was in the car. I was releaved but disappointed. i would have to miss my flight. This was really happening... another obstacle to this trip. 

I went back to the ticketing counter to see if I could get on the Thursday flight for sure and I was told that I needed to go back to where I purchased the ticket to make arrangements. So with nothing left to do at this point. I loaded my things back in the car and headed back to Stockton, defeated, discouraged, embarrassed and feeling stupid. I could not blame antone but me, I wasn't even being rushed. It was just a silly unfortunate mistake.

This story contuinues so come back tomorrow to hear what happens next.


You are Bound No More. 

Pastor Linda Hillman 
(c) 2015 LAH Ministries International 
Booklinda@gmail.com 

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Will You Be Made Whole 
In The Meantime

Healing the Hurts

Here's a lesson from a recent Women's Conference I attended. Be blessed with this one.

• Emotional Abuse
• Christian wounds
• Hurt in the church
• Domestic Violence
• Harboring negative feelings
• holding grudges. it hurts ourselves more than others

Someone once said that holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping that it will hurt the other person. But yet many of us do it and cant see that we are really killing ourselves.

You can choose to hurt or Heal

You can choose your happiness or sadness in life. One way to do this when you choose whether to continue to nurse a hurt you have received in life, or to heal yourself and you relationship with the person that hurt you.

In reaction to our emotional hurts we often erect protective structures to avoid dealing with them or allowing anyone to touch them. Over time these structures become comfortable. Before we cna heal the hurt, these structures must be acknowledged and dealt with. this will often mean honestly facing our pain and anger and resentment choosing to forgive, YES forgive those who have wounded us instead of resenting them, and determining to risk opening our hearts to others again. It also generally involves a slow and difficult process not a quick fix. Like peeling an onion, it usually happens one tearful layer at a time.

Definition

A wounded heart occurs when someone or something brings hurt to your emotions. "The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they fo down into the innermost parts of the belly." Proverbs 26:22.

Sources of Hurts

1. Result of Offense brought to us from others People say things or do things to hurt us. Prov 18:8
2. Result from our won sinful behavior. Not all hurts come from without. sometimes they can be the enemy within. Prov 17:19, Psalms 25:18 II Sam 24:10
3. Result from a calamity where one is overcome by the experience. Job 3:25-26
4. Result from the sins of forefathers (ancestors) Exodus 34:6-7
5. Result from drug and alcohol use. Proverbs 23:29-35
6. results from occult involvement Leviticus 20:6

God's Provision

1. God cares about your broken heart. Ps 34:18, 51:17
2. God healed David's heart and He will also heal yours. Ps 147:3, Heb 13:8
3. Jesus was sent to heal the broken hearted. Luke 4:18
4. Jesus, Himself, suffered all the hurts that one could suffer. Isa 53:1-12, John 1:11. Luke 22:57, 23:35-37, Matthew 27:46
5. Through the suffering of Jesus, God has provided the healing for your hurts. Isa 53:5
6. It is God's desire to heal your hurts. I Peter 5:7
7. God must have control of your whole heart before He can heal it. Jeremiah 29:13, Rev 3:20

Steps of Preparation

1. You must give your heart to Jesus letting Him become your lord. Roman 10:9, Phil 2:9-10
2. If you have offended someone else, then you must confess your offense and ask them to forgive you. Matthew 5:23-24, I Peter 3:16
3. You must forgive (RELEASE) the person who has hurt you. Matt 6:12, 14-15
4. You must put their judgement into God's hands and then ask God to forgive them for their offense toward you. Luke 23:24, Acts 7:60
5. You must yield your rights to God (possessions, respect, honor, family, expectations). Matt 19:21, I Peter 5:5-6, Luke 18:20, Mark 8:34-37, Psa 119:165

WARNING: A wounded heat that does not receive healing is an open door for evil spirits. Esp 4:26-27, I Peter 5:8, Genesis 4:4-7, Matt 18:21-35

How to Receive Healing

1. Make a list of your hurts (begin with the greatest list)
2. Ask God to cleanse your heart of all wrong attitudes (anger, bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness, lust, hate, revenge). Isa 1:18, 51:10, I John 1:9
3. Picture your experience ob being hurt in your mind
4. Now picture Jesus suffering the same hurt for you and overcoming it by his own death and resurrection. I Peter 2:24
5. Next picture in your mind the resurrected Jesus offering healing to you. Luke 4:18-19
6. In faith ASK God to heal your heart in the name of Jesus. Ezekiel 36:26, John 16:23.

As God heals your hurts, He will also give you a tender heart that will be sensitive to the hurts of others. Ezekiel 36:26, II Cor 5:18, Mark 5:19

Remember: God can change that which was meant for evil into good. Genesis 50:20, Duet 23:5 Romans 8:28, I Peter 5:8-10 and II Cor 1:6

Stop Having A Fit

Many times we have triggers inside of us but why are they there. What was the original hurt? Was it real or perceived? What was left unlearned because we chose not to deal with it? So everything else is weighed against it and never in balance because there is really no way of recalibrating the scale. The truth is it was never calibrated right in the first place. There has to be a point where you destroy the root of the problem. You must confront the very thing that initiates your spiral into the pit of anger. That leaves you in a fit of rage, anger and confusion. You must be willing to expose the whole truth and nothing but the truth to allow the lessons to be learned and more importantly lived.

Life is not going to hand you a solution to all your problems; however every solution you need is racing to get to you. The real problem is our ability to see past the problem. When we start to remove the layers of film on our eyes we will be able to see a true reflection of what occurred and how to fix the situation.

We throw fits because we are not willing to hear, trust and learn. We are so busy wanting it right now that we miss the eternal applications that will keep our hearts and minds in perfect peace.

We blame God, others, loss of jobs, houses, cars, mates and what have you so we don’t look at the real problem. It is simple…the “me” problem; the understanding that I am my worst enemy. It’s because of how I interpret things that have occurred that I am in this situation. It’s me not anyone else. Sure they hurt you, they lied, they talked about you, they left you, they cheated…and that almost killed you –mentally, emotionally, socially, financially and spiritually. Yes they did all that. However, no one has power over your decisions but you. And you have to give that power away. It is your fault not theirs. I know that reality hurts, OUCH! It hurt me to say it and I am sure it hurts to read it. So now that the band aid is off let’s fix the problem instead of having a fit.

It starts with you taking the power back and putting ownership where it belongs. Do this for me, take a minute to stand in front of the nearest mirror and say, “Today I will no longer pass the buck. The buck stops here. My worst enemy has become my best friend.” Then smile as big as you can. The next thing you are going to do as a project is simply get dressed up. I mean go all out and dress for success and take a picture.  For the moment you are taking the picture nothing else matters. Think of a time you felt totally free from anger, worry, frustration, strife and hatred… YES that moment. Bask in that moment and smile for the camera. Take a few shots with different poses even do an outfit change, if you like. Make it a real photo shoot opportunity. Now every time you see those pictures I want you to think this is my best friend. 

Nope, not finished yet, remember we are fixing the problem not just placing another band aid on it. Now it’s time to get serious about your healing. Get a Journal. You don’t journal superficial things like what you ate today or what the events of the day were. No, this journal is to take a long good look at you. Therefore journal how you feel, journal your heart, journal your thoughts, journal your raw emotions and let it flow. Today you may feel like pulling your hair out because of what John said reminded you of your past relationship with Steve, journal it. Tomorrow you can be on top of the world because you realized that you just got that promotion you been wanting, Journal it. You had a breakthrough during early Morning prayer, journal it.

When you journal, you start to see that problems become clearer. Just as amazing, is the solution will leap at you from the pages of your journal. You will start to see patterns. Your answers to many of the questions that you have will be hidden in the midst of the text. With each dilemma there is a lesson to be learned, every storm has a warning of dark clouds but it’s always followed by sunshine and a rainbow. Dancing is a great distraction as well as a happy feeling. Laughing is the best medicine for the heart that is broken. 

Journals will save your life – well, at least help it make sense in the here and now. Now that you are thinking about it, start a journal today. Don’t just write in the journal but take a few minutes to read and reflect on what was written. See what treasurers are inside of you. Treasures you never knew where there because you were too busy having a fit.

You are Bound No More. 

Pastor Linda Hillman 

(c) 2014 Living Above Hurt Ministries

Deal With Your Hurt Before It Deals With You

Although Samson seemed to be real with God, we can deduce that perhaps Samson wasn’t real with God about everything.

Was Samson still hurting from his betrayal and heartbreak, after his Philistine wife was given to his Best Man and then killed by her people? Did he fail to deal with this hurt which led him to find temporary solace with a prostitute and with Delilah? Many Bible commentaries are quick to brand Delilah as this manipulative woman which she was, but ‘it’s not every day blame the woman, sometimes let the man take responsibility for HIS actions’, read the story with fresh eyes.

Oftentimes, like Samson, we fail to deal with our pain and pride, which clouds our discernment, causing us to make unfavourable decisions. Surely, Samson would have understood Delilah’s schemes after the third time, but His pride got in the way of sound judgement. He allowed himself to be swayed by flattery and he told Delilah those things to prove his strength and massage His ego.

We would have thought that Samson would have learnt to be careful when it comes to sharing intimate information and this time it was information concerning his Nazarite (belonging to God from birth through an oath) status. Samson trusted his fate to a woman who didn’t believe in the things that he did and in the end it cost him His life.

Who do you trust? Do they share your beliefs and morals?

Is there a hurt that you’re holding on to right now? Take it to God, deal with it, so that it doesn’t become a liability in your life.

Have you ever allowed yourself to be deceived by flattery? Do you always feel like you have to prove yourself?

Don’t allow anyone - no matter how persuasive or attractive - talk you into doing wrong. Avoid being deceived by knowing the difference between deception and truth.

When bankers study cash notes, they don’t study the counterfeits. They diligently study the REAL notes, so that when a counterfeit comes, they can quickly identify and void it. In the same way, as believers, we must study God’s word so much, so that when something contrary God’s word is presented to us, we can quickly identify it and avoid being deceived.

Leah: From Unloved to Beloved

What woman hasn’t felt like Leah at least one day in her life?

Who hasn’t had the best friend that became homecoming queen? Who hasn’t sighed when she looked in the mirror, desperately trying to camouflage her flaws? Who hasn’t had that moment, perhaps after hanging the eighth bridesmaid’s dress in her closet, that the only way she could possibly get a man to marry her would be if he were tricked?

Rachel, Leah’s sister, was the head-turner of the sisters—Rachel’s name meaning “ewe” and Leah’s, the far less complimentary “cow.” Rachel was the one whom Jacob merely had to lay eyes on and he didn’t care how long it took—he had to make Rachel his wife. Leah, whether by guise of night or veil, then gets thrown into the bride role at the last minute, in her father’s hope that he could marry her off. Somehow.

Jacob rejects Leah.

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, saw behind Leah’s tender eyes and discerned her heart.Leah may not have been “lovely in form,” but she was exactly what God was looking for through whom to establish the house of David and the lineage of Christ.

Leah recognized her children as blessings directly from the Lord, and despite the pain of rejection and her unquenchable desire to be loved by her husband, she praised Him. (Genesis 29:35)

We’ve all been Leah, with the desire to be loved. We’ve all had to swallow the realization that, not only will other people fall short of our expectations, but we’ll fall short of theirs. We’ve all had to make the decision that even if we don’t get our storybook ending and we don’t get to be the beautiful princess adored by the prince, God is still so, so good and we will praise Him.

We may not ever be homecoming queen. What physically greets us in the mirror each day may not be what others define as “beautiful.” We may not ever get married or experience the type of romantic love we’ve dreamed of (or been told to dream of) since we were little girls.

But I promise you this, ladies—in God’s eyes, we’re all stunning beauties. He wants us to forget what the world thinks is beautiful and remember the beauty He created in each of us. He wants us to desire His admiring glances above anyone else’s.

The truth is, we may never get our prince, but we all get our Prince. Yes, even us Leahs.

You are Bound No More.

Relational Health: Being Peacemakers - This is a 7-part series Part 4

Stress and burnout can cause us to project our pain and exhaustion on others — usually those closest to us. Some people respond to burnout by lashing out in anger and storming around in a rage as their lives are falling apart.

Exhaustion can cause us to shut down and stop communicating with our spouse or our friends. And by “communicating,” I mean both talking and listening. We no longer feel connected to those around us, and we begin not to care about nurturing those relationships that God has placed in our lives.

After not communicating for a while, resentment can develop. Our spouses or friends may not feel comfortable opening up to us anymore, and bitterness can be formed and directed toward us, toward the church, and even toward God.

In Matthew 5:9, Jesus directs us to be “peacemakers.” It will take effort and intentionality on our part to bring balance back into our relationships. We are to make peace and strive for unity.

Have you cut off communication with people because you’re feeling burned out? Write down their names and a trait you admire about each one of them. Then write down a date you will contact them, making amends if necessary.

You are Bound No More. 

The Bleeding Woman

I was reading my daily devotional and thought I would share this with you. It blessed me and I pray that you also find a blessing in it. It is my desire that you are encouraged that your situation is not impossible for God. 

The woman with the issue of blood can be found in Mark 5:25-34. It is also in Matthew and Luke, however for this lesson they choose the Mark account of the story.

Looks can be deceiving. It’s easy to live a life that appears perfect but lacks a desperate need for Jesus. We can know the Bible, have godly spouses and be involved in church, but sometimes it takes significant pain to force us to fall at the Lord’s feet. God is merciful enough to let us experience that pain so we can better understand His grace. Sometimes we best see God’s mercy through pain. 

In Mark 5, Jesus encountered a woman who was driven to Him by her own weakness. For years she had lived with the same problem. She was ostracized by the society in which she lived. She was not considered fit for marriage, and would not have been welcomed by the “church people” of her day. Though it was likely difficult for her to recognize, all of this was God’s way of drawing the woman to Jesus. 

Jesus changed this woman’s life on the spot. At some point, many of us have believed the lie that we need to clean up before coming to the Lord. We have lived in fear that God wouldn’t be able to handle the mess we have made and that we would be left to begin the cleanup process alone. What God asks of us is to seek His help and the help of His people. God welcomes our mess, and often His voice is the clearest when our lives are the messiest. 

1) What messes are you dealing with today? 
2) What could God be trying to teach you through your pain? 
3) Are you willing to seek the help of other Christians in this area? Why or why not?

Bound No More

The one thing we need but many of us struggle to get is respect. In life, we will go through some hard times and if we are lucky, we will be able to come out on the winning side. However, what about the one that are caught in the cracks. Is there hope for the woman whose been abused (emotionally, mentally, physically or socially)? Who is there to let that woman know there is hope in her hopeless situation?

We hear so much about sisterhood yet we are set apart. We gossip about one another steal each other men and if we get the chance, we will ruin another’s reputation so we look good. Now does this sound like sisterhood? More importantly how are we being good examples for the girls and women to come after us? Are we allowing them to find hope for their situations? Let me share my story and may be, someone will see there is hope and make a change for the better.

As a teenager, I suffered being molested, verbally abused and lived in a house raging with domestic violence. I grew up with anger issues and never tried to deal with them. I had relationship after relationship fail. One day I came to the realization that the life I was living was just a shadow of what could be. I did not have to live with the pain, frustration and depression. I could rise above it. I could be free. However, I knew that it would take some restoration of my inner emotions. I would have to learn how to look at life differently, not using my own reasoning because it was skewed and fragile.

I sought help from counselors and coaches that help my see past the hurt, habits and hang-ups. I was able to start a relationship on a healthy note and those negative friends – well I was able to influence them to be more positive. This did not happen over night it only started with a single step.

The first step can be the hardest however, if you are truly ready for healing to occur in your life then you will allow this step to take place, including removing all negative and unhealthy influences in your life. Many times, it is what we allow in our lives that hinder us the most. I had to deal with the past in order to maintain my present and secure my future.

We learned in history that if we do not learn from history it is bound to repeat itself. Well, this is true even in our lives. If we are not willing to learn from bad decisions, our fears, our failure and, even more importantly, our successes then we are bound to repeat them. Dr. Susan Jeffers says, “Life is not a struggle but an opportunity”. Additionally, you only get a single opportunity to make it count. Do not live with regret and remorse. Not to make light of the experiences you have been through, Nevertheless, if I can learn to let go of the pain and anger, then why not you?