First you must realize that scars are reminders of what you have been through but scars don't hurt. wounds on the other hand, well that is a different story. If you can think about your hurt and still feel the pain, you are not experiencing a scar but a wound.
That is where I found myself in 2005. I thought I had forgiven those that had hurt me. I thought I had healed but I was making decision based on that pain - those wounds. Remember in my last post I said that God spoke to me and made it clear that my bitterness, hatred, strife, meanness was a slippery slope to hell. Well, that was the beginning of the end for me. I knew a change had to be made. I was not sure how to change but God spoke to me about commitment to Him and His word. Now I had thought I was committed to God, so how could God want more commitment from me. I was preaching and teaching his word, how much more did I need to commit to His Word? This is when I realized that you can be in church and not be saved. Let me explain. I loved the Lord and I knew how to pray. I sang in the choir, I preached the truth, God spoke to me. I had the Holy Ghost could speak in tongues for hours, I was baptized and believe me I had confessed Jesus and him crucified for years. However if you would have asked me what my relationship with God looked like, I would have told you all those things and still not answered the question. Why? Because my relationship was no existent. I knew of God, I heard about him but I did not know him for myself. I could recite the stories about him but I did not believe it for me.
I was too busy nursing my pain. I wanted to remain the victim so even God could not reach me. I was broken and not willing to heal. Moreover, I was hurting God and his people. I was a spiritual bully. I judged others because I was intellectual in my experience with God and I thought that made me better than the rest. The girl that had gone through so much abuse in my life, had now become the abuser. Now you see why God said I was on a slippery slope?
However, when god started to get through to me, I knew a change was needed. This girl had to hit rock bottom and believe me, I did just that. That's when true deliverance came and my healing process began. I am so much better for it too. I still have my flashbacks and moments of taking one step back but God is always there prodding me forward. He has sent wonderful people to me to help me and show me the way.
I pray that I become a beacon of light to others.
You are Bound No More.
Pastor Linda Hillman
That is where I found myself in 2005. I thought I had forgiven those that had hurt me. I thought I had healed but I was making decision based on that pain - those wounds. Remember in my last post I said that God spoke to me and made it clear that my bitterness, hatred, strife, meanness was a slippery slope to hell. Well, that was the beginning of the end for me. I knew a change had to be made. I was not sure how to change but God spoke to me about commitment to Him and His word. Now I had thought I was committed to God, so how could God want more commitment from me. I was preaching and teaching his word, how much more did I need to commit to His Word? This is when I realized that you can be in church and not be saved. Let me explain. I loved the Lord and I knew how to pray. I sang in the choir, I preached the truth, God spoke to me. I had the Holy Ghost could speak in tongues for hours, I was baptized and believe me I had confessed Jesus and him crucified for years. However if you would have asked me what my relationship with God looked like, I would have told you all those things and still not answered the question. Why? Because my relationship was no existent. I knew of God, I heard about him but I did not know him for myself. I could recite the stories about him but I did not believe it for me.
I was too busy nursing my pain. I wanted to remain the victim so even God could not reach me. I was broken and not willing to heal. Moreover, I was hurting God and his people. I was a spiritual bully. I judged others because I was intellectual in my experience with God and I thought that made me better than the rest. The girl that had gone through so much abuse in my life, had now become the abuser. Now you see why God said I was on a slippery slope?
However, when god started to get through to me, I knew a change was needed. This girl had to hit rock bottom and believe me, I did just that. That's when true deliverance came and my healing process began. I am so much better for it too. I still have my flashbacks and moments of taking one step back but God is always there prodding me forward. He has sent wonderful people to me to help me and show me the way.
I pray that I become a beacon of light to others.
You are Bound No More.
Pastor Linda Hillman
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