Healing Your Deep Wounds

There was a scene from the movie "Forrest Gump." Forrest's lifelong friend Jenny had grown up in a home where she was abused by her father. He had left his mark on Jenny in a horrible way, profoundly affecting her life choices. And now, years later, seeing that house – the house where she grew up – that house from which she ran to an even more destructive way of life – seeing that house brought back painful memories. The hurt hadn't gone away. The wounds had never fully healed. And Forrest appropriately comments, "Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks." Let me ask you to consider something today. Have you run out of rocks?

Rocks are what we hurl at objects or individuals who remind us of our pain. They are not literal rocks, but maybe actions or words that we employ to strike back at almost anyone or anything in an attempt to offset some of our own hurt. A sarcastic comment here, a bit of excessive behavior there. Hopefully we won't hurt so bad as long as we have rocks to throw. Jenny's wayward adult life that is pictured in Forrest Gump is presented as a futile effort at numbing the pain of past wounds.

The trouble is that the deep hurts and the deep wounds of our lives can't be fully healed by simply throwing rocks. Sooner or later we'll run out – we'll find we've hurt others in the process. We'll find the pain is still there. And reduced to a puddle of unmanageable emotions, we find ourselves having to come to grips with the rest of life, wondering how we'll cope.

I am talking about the healing of deep wounds. There is a man in the Bible whose family deeply wounded him. His name is Joseph. I am sure you remember Joseph's family background. His father was married to two sisters at the same time and kept two mistresses. He had 13 children through these 4 women, all of whom lived in the same household with him. 12 of those children were boys. Joseph's only sister had been raped. His brothers were guilty of murder, theft and gross immorality. Before he was 10 years old his mother died.

Joseph was the favorite son of his father's favorite wife. And because of that, Genesis 37 says his father made for him a beautiful robe, fit for a prince. A robe that showed everyone he was exempt from the manual labor his brothers had to engage in day after day. His brothers wore dirty farming clothes. But not Joseph. He had a favored place in the family. His brothers hated him. They were consumed with jealousy. At the age of 17, Joseph was attacked by his brothers, who furiously stripped him of his beautiful robe. They threw him into a deep hole in the ground and would have killed him, except one of his brothers talked the rest out of it. Instead of committing murder, they sold Joseph to some slave traders who took him to Egypt. The brothers lied to their father, telling him Joseph had been killed by a wild animal.

Picking up where we left off last week, through an incredible series of events, Joseph had gone from slave to prisoner to being appointed as 2nd in command in the great Egyptian empire. During a 7-year period of famine, it was Joseph's responsibility to manage the distribution of grain to everyone in the Empire and the surrounding areas.

Read Genesis 41:56-57

Because of the famine, in Genesis 42 his brothers are forced to come to Egypt for food. All of his brothers make the trip except for his little brother Benjamin. The only other child of his father's favorite wife. Joseph recognizes his brothers, but they don't recognize him.

He holds one brother hostage and makes them go back for his little brother. When they return Genesis 45 says Joseph reveals who he is. And instead of punishing them for what they did to him, he invites them to bring his father down to Egypt so they can all survive the famine and live closer together.

The entire family comes to live in Egypt. And Joseph is finally reunited with his father. Seventeen years after the reunion, Joseph's father dies. And that is where join the portion of the story I want us to look at today.

Read Genesis 50:14-21

Joseph's life is an example of how God can bring healing to the deep wounds of our lives. Somehow Joseph made it. After all, he'd been through. After all the hurt, the betrayal, and unfair treatment. Joseph found healing.

As we look at Genesis 50 there are a few substantial truths we can learn from Joseph about the healing of hidden hurts.

TRANSITION: 1, if we desire healing, we must…

1. Guard against bitterness

A chiropractor from Tampa, Florida, had paid alimony to his former wife for a long time. In 1994, he came to his final alimony payment of $182. He didn't just want to send his money; he wanted to send a message. So in large-scale he drew a check on the back of a pinstripe shirt. On the memo line of his shirt-check, he wrote, "Here it is the shirt off my back!" The bank cashed it. That's bitterness.

Bitterness is what can happen when we choose to dwell on our wounds. Maybe we get into the habit of picturing the one who wounded us and imagining all sorts of bad things we would enjoy seeing come upon that person as payback. Bitterness can even lead to a desire for personal revenge. Joseph's brothers just assumed he would be bitter.

Genesis 50:15 – "What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?" Now that their father is dead, what would be stopping Joseph from enacting some extreme form of payback? They remembered very well how their uncle, Esau at one point, wanted to kill his brother Jacob, who was their father, so based on their family history, it wasn't out of the question that Joseph might now want to kill them.

So they send word that their dad had left a message for Joseph before he died. His message: forgive your brothers. Joseph cried when he heard it. Most scholars believe Joseph probably cried because his brothers chose to stoop to the level of making up a story that involved their deceased father. They were afraid, so they chose drastic measures.

But his brothers didn't need to be afraid because Joseph wasn't bitter. He wasn't bitter? After being sold into slavery at the age of seventeen, he wasn't bitter? Why not? Joseph wasn't bitter because he left the righting of wrongs to God. Look at verse 19. v. 19 – Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? In other words. I'm not in the business of payback. God alone rights wrongs, so I don't have to settle the score. You guys are good with me.

Deep wounds will never be healed if we let ourselves become bitter. In bitterness we want to spread the hurt. Share it with the ones who hurt us. But we do so at the expense of leaving our own wounds unmended.

In the New Testament, Ephesians 4:31 says, Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger…

One biographer on the life of Robert E. Lee tells how after the Civil War was over, General Lee visited a Kentucky lady who showed him the remains of a large old tree in front of her house. She cried bitterly that its limbs and trunk had been destroyed by Union artillery fire. She looked to Lee for a word condemning the soldiers of the North or at least sympathizing with her loss. After a brief silence, Lee said, "Cut it down, my dear Madam, and forget it."

Get rid of all bitterness. Let it take root and it can poison the rest of our lives.

Joseph was a wise man. He knew God wouldn't heal his hurt as long as he carried a bitter desire to see harm come to his brothers.

Do you have a deep wound inflicted by someone in your past? If so, guard against bitterness by trusting God to right the wrongs. Without this, healing will not occur.Let me tell you a second thing we learn from Joseph that needs to occur if we want God to heal our deep wounds. We must…

2. Take steps toward forgiveness

I heard a story about a Youth Minister who took around 50 of the high school students from the his church on a ski retreat over the Martin Luther King holiday. The theme of the weekend was forgiveness. He brought in Charlie Gerber, a Christian counselor from Muncie, Indiana to be their speaker. Charlie is very effective at communicating to teens. He is incredibly direct with them. He was talking to them about how the refusal to forgive a person actually because to take its toll on us.

One night during the retreat he got up to speak and simply said, "I know there are a lot of people here who have been deeply hurt by someone in your life. So instead of me talking tonight, I want to hear from you. You tell us what has happened in your life and why it is hard for you to forgive." What happened next was amazing. For no less than 2 ½ hours these students from this youth ministry came to the front of the room and exposed their deep wounds. A few students carried a lot of anger because their parents had divorced. One young man had recently lost his mother, and now he was considering ending his life because he and his father were at odds. Four different students shared that a member of their family had sexually abused them.

And after each person shared, they made a circle and prayed for them to have help from God to be able to forgive. Those that were adult sponsors had a lot of follow up ministry over the next several months. But it was that night when many of those students courageously took a step toward forgiveness.

Forgiveness is difficult when we've been hurt badly. The last thing we may want to do is forgive. But remember we're talking about the healing of deep wounds. And deep wounds require serious treatment. Some people think forgiving is simply forgetting. It's not. It is because of deep wounds are not forgotten that forgiveness needs to occur. Other people think forgiveness minimizes the hurt. Almost as though saying, "I forgive you," gives the person the right to hurt us again. It doesn't. It is because of the seriousness of the hurt that forgiveness needs to occur. Forgiveness and prosecution are not mutually exclusive.

The key to forgiveness is to understand how much we have been forgiven by God. Each of us have offended God in a major way because of our sins. But He sent Jesus to give us a way to be reunited with Him. Having faith in what Jesus did for us and accepting his grace, we are forgiven. God has taken leave of our sins in Jesus, so we too should let go of the sins committed against us.

Forgive as the Lord forgave you. – Colossians 3:13

Joseph's brothers wondered, "Could he ever forgive us for the terrible things we did to him?" They were afraid of him. They made up a story. They offered themselves as his slaves. What did Joseph do? Joseph modeled perfect forgiveness. He demonstrated how God graciously accepts us even though we don't deserve it.

Read verse 21

A deep wound will always stay open if we are unable to forgive. Do you have someone in your life you've sworn you'd never forgive? Think that over again. And then with God's help, take a step toward forgiveness. He's the expert on the matter. A third thing we learn from Joseph that needs to occur if we want God to heal our deep wounds. We must…

3. Believe in God's greater purpose

There is an amazing verse in Genesis 50. One of the most profound in the Bible. Verse 20. Joseph, the recipient of unnecessary wrong and mistreatment, looks his brothers in the eyes and says this: You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

He says something similar when he reveals his identity to his brothers in chapter 45. Verse 5 – It was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. God never puts a stamp of approval on evil and sin. What Joseph's brothers did was wrong. However, as Joseph looks back on his life, he sees it is no accident that he is where he is. Even in the midst of all the bad that happened, God used it for good. In fact, he used Joseph's life to save many other lives. His brothers intended to harm him, but God intended it for good.

Many times we don't know what God wants to do in our lives until after the fact. If you're going through a deep wounding right now, or you have in the past, before you give up on God, consider what greater purpose He might have for you. He is in the process of bringing out great possibilities through your experiences. He did that in Joseph's life, and He'll do it in yours. Believe in His greater purpose.One last thing we can learn from Joseph about the healing of deep wounds. We need to…

4. Live by promises, not explanations

I'm pretty sure that at the bottom of a pit, Joseph wasn't fully aware of God's overall plan for his life. After being thrown into prison for something he didn't do, he still probably didn't see the whole picture. But he lived by promises, not explanations.

We see that a recurring theme appears in the story of Joseph. It's these words, Genesis 39:2 – The Lord was with Joseph. Joseph believed the promise that God would never leave him. So because of that, he didn't have to have an explanation for each of the trials he faced. He had hope in the midst of the unknown.

If you're suffering from a deep wound, let me read to you some of God's clear promises out of Romans 8…

v. 18 – Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will give us later.
v. 28 – And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
v. 31 – If God is for us, who can ever be against us?
v. 37 – No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

I don't know what deep wound there might be in your life. But I do know that God is with you in the midst of it. And his promises will bring you healing in a way searching for an explanation never can.
Deep wounds can be healed. Joseph's live proves it.

CONCLUSION

Here is how I want to close, as you consider your life today which of these 4 things speaks most to where you are right now with regards to a hurt in your life? Instead of throwing rocks…

Do you need to guard against bitterness? Do you need to take some steps toward forgiveness? Do you need help seeing God's greater purpose in your pain? Do you need to live by promises more than explanations?


You are Bound No More. 


Pastor Linda Hillman 
(c) 2015 LAH Ministries International 
Booklindahillman@gmail.com 

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Will You Be Made Whole 
In The Meantime

21- Day Consecration: Obedience to God (Day 11)

Well, It seems that Linda (my flesh) still likes to rise when it comes to total obedience. I have had a few hard lessons in obedience during this process. Understanding that even the little things need to be obeyed to the letter. I am reminded of so many promises I have made to God in order to be relieved of some plaguing thing. For example, "God if you get me out of this mess, I promise to do what you want me to do without hesitation." Then, it happens and several years later God comes to collect and I hesitate or worse, I don't do it at all.

As these things come up I am repenting for it but, more than that, I am asking God to help me change my behaviors. I mean, really you can't bargain with an all-powerful God who knows and sees everything. I am silly to even think that I could.

The great thing is God is showing me this bad little habit so I can work on me. Well, really He can work on me. So now being committed to the things He has spoken is even more important to me. Changing bad habits and replacing them with committed, focused, determined habits is the key.

I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me...that is the mindset I will have from this day forward. I am changing my "I can't" attitude to I can, as Tanya White would say. No more excuses and no more silly laden promises. Just commitment to do the obedient thing.

Father God, I repent for the times I lied to you. I ask for your forgiveness for the wasted years, months, days, hours and moments. I ask that you help me turn from my sins and walk in newness of life. I would that I be found pleasing in your sight. It is my desire to see you in heaven. It is my desire to see your face in peace. Knowing that while here on earth I did everything you asked of me and I touched and inspired my generation to do the same. Father, I ask that you cleanse me, purge me of my own selfishness. I want to walk as you would have me to walk. Let me not be distracted by my flesh, by Satan, by people or any other thing or spirit that would raise itself against the knowledge of what you want for me. Your word says, If I love you I will keep your commandments. That is what I want to do more than anything, to keep your commandments and to walk worthy of the calling you placed on my life. I ask that you, Father, rebuke the devour, in Jesus name. Amen

The journey continues...

You are Bound No More. 

Pastor Linda Hillman 
(c) 2015 LAH Ministries International 

Booklinda@gmail.com 

Get Your Copy Now 
Will You Be Made Whole
In The Meantime

The Challenge of Transition

After former professional athlete Chris Sanders suffered a career-ending injury, he told a group of military veterans that although he had never experienced combat, "I understand the pressures of transitions."

Whether it's the loss of a job, the loss of a marriage, a serious illness, the loss of a loved one or a financial setback, every major change brings challenges. The former athlete told the soldiers that the key to success, when you are transitioning into a new way of living, is to reach out and get help.

The book of Joshua is recommended reading whenever we find ourselves in transition. After 40 years of wandering and setbacks, God's people were poised to enter the Promised Land. Moses, their great leader, had died and Joshua, his assistant was now in charge.  Needless to say, Joshua was just as unsure as the Children of Israel.

God spoke to Joshua in Joshua 1:6-11:

Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them. “Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” So Joshua ordered the officers of the people: “Go through the camp and tell the people, ‘Get your provisions ready. Three days from now you will cross the Jordan here to go in and take possession of the land the Lord your God is giving you for your own.’”

God told Joshua to "Be Strong and Courageous", these words might seem simple but this statement was powerful. God's words of direction were to be the foundation of Joshua's leadership in every situation. Moses had led the people through the wilderness, a time of discovery of who they were and to whom they belonged. God proved himself time and time again in the wilderness, even though they complained. However, now a transition was taking place. It was time for the Children of Israel to grow up, if you will. They were to start to take ownership of their destiny. To claim what God said was theirs and Joshua would lead them.

The Lord's charge and promise to Joshua apply to us as well: "Be Strong and courageous". read the verses again. In those 5 verses, God says, "Be strong and courageous" 3 times. that is no mistake. God knows that what you are facing in this transition may shake you up. It's something you have not experienced before, however, God is with you. 

Okay, last thing, God told Joshua:

1. "Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them." God confirmed Joshua was the right one for the Job. 

2. "Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you?" God then reaffirmed that he had been trained well for the position and not to forsake what he had been taught. Our success comes from everything we have triumphed over and what has been instilled in us. 

3. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” God then says that Joshua need not be afraid because he is with him no matter what comes his way.

God is with us in the transitions of life. The good, the bad, the ugly and the indifferent. He will never leave us nor forsake. Take comfort in knowing God has your back.

Now tell me about a time you had to: transition, change, elevate, evolve. Was God with you? 


You are Bound No More.

Pastor Linda Hillman
Booklindahillman@gmail.com

Get Your Copy Now
Will You Be Made Whole
In The Meantime

That Hurt Me Now You Want Me to Get Over It?

 In starting this blog, I want it to be a haven for those that feel that they have no place to go to share their stories of hurt. Especially those in the church. those that have been on the front lines in ministry and for whatever reason you were wounded fatally by "friendly fire".In the military this is the term they use for someone who was shot by their own. Of course, that does not make it easier to take. It, at least to me, is more difficult to understand, whether it was an accident or intentional. So let me be the first to share my testimony with you. Maybe this will cause others to see that this is a safe place.

I first must tell you that I am an ordained Evangelist with a calling of Pastor on my life. I also operate in the gift of prophecy and have given words of wisdom, knowledge and can discern things. I said all that to say that I am not some fly by night who was saved yesterday and have not had my wounds in the battle. I come from an organization well known and United Pentecostal Church International (UPCI). I attended the Voice Of Pentecost church for 20 years until the Lord moved me, via a few stops, to Victory In Praise Church, where I currently serve. It is important to know that UPCI did not openly support women ministers, however, I was attending a church (VOP)where a woman was the Pastor and it was one of the largest churches in San Francisco. I am sure some feel that God can't use a woman in the ministry to preach his gospel but I am firm believer that God will use what He wants to, when He wants to, how He wants to. He is sovereign.

Now that you know my pedigree. What I am about to share with you is how the Lord helped me not only see that others may be hurting like I was but that I have been anointed to minister to them in their pain.  A pain that I lived with for years. Not only does my pain stem from the church but it also has reaches from outside the church. However, all that I have gone through good and bad, was all a part of God's divine plan for my life. You may say, How can you say molestation was a part of God's plan for you...Well Jeremiah 29:11, to put it simply.

A few years back, I went through the most tormented time of my life and it was by the hand of a Christian woman.  A woman, that at the time, I considered to be a dear friend. She knew private things about me and all those things were used to turn others against me. Now, it is important to say it started with a true statement, I had over heard a conversation, and instead of getting an understanding like the Bible said, I went to someone that I trusted and told them what I had heard. A few days later, after I talked to one of the ladies in the original conversation, I got the information I was missing and went back to clear it up with the person I told. To me, it was over and I never mentioned it again. A few months later, rumors began surfacing that said I had said "this friend" of mine was pregnant and sleeping with her boyfriend. I was floored, nothing like that had come out of my mouth and what I had said was not even close to it. So, my pastor approached me and asked me if I had said this. I denied it and told him what I had said.

I could tell that he was skeptical of my words and said that we would have a meeting. (He, my accusers, and me). I agreed to the meeting. I will just let you know that meeting never happened but the rumors of what I said grew and grew. Now I take responsibility for what I did but I also did clear it up or so I thought. The real pain came in when they used my mother to speak against me. She, my mother, trying not to be dishonest in any matter told them things that were confidential between she and I because she did not want to seem like she was withholding anything. Now my mother gets nervous under pressure and she will forget to say important things and after think, "Man I should have said this or that." So you can only imagine, she forgot to say things and in her zeal to clear my name she gave them the ammunition to cause more damage.

Long story short, my friend went to others in the church and began to spread her side of the story and asking them had they heard me say things about her. They all said no! They even admitted, that her approaching them to tell them what I said was the first that they had heard it. When I got wind of it, I went to God, upset to put it nicely. I wanted revenge and I wanted it quickly. For months this misunderstanding went on and on. No meeting was ever scheduled to bring us all together to clear it up. I never got my day in court, you can say. So it went on and on,

One day she approached me and said she wanted to ask some questions. She asked the questions and I answered them honestly and truthfully. She then told me that she understood everything and that there was no reason for us to have a meeting it was all a big misunderstanding. However, my name was mud. I had no means of restoring my name. She had weaved a web that I was trapped in. I became sick. I started getting migraines, which I had not gotten for 10 years. I fell into depression, I did not want to leave my house the only time I left was to go to church and work.

Even though we supposedly had talked everything out, there was still things being said. The worst thing was that many other things started happening. It seemed I was always being called into the Pastor's office about something I said incorrectly to a member of the church, they were hurt by my words. Reflecting back I see now that hurt people; will hurt others and I am sure that many people felt my wrath not because they had done something wrong but because I was hurting and no one was offering me a safe haven to heal from the wounds that had occurred. It started to affect my ministry, during this time I had been an ordained Minister of the Gospel so my ministry so suffering right along with my soul, heart and mind.

Now I must admit I am only giving the high points so this blog doesn't become an ebook, but let me say this. It was blow after blow. I suffered many things at the hands of several people during this time. I would cry myself to sleep every night I wanted to defend my self but God told me no. I prayed and fasted. I became bitter towards God, how could God that loved me allow this to happen to me. Then the answer came about three years after all this had taken place, I was sitting in the sanctuary waiting for Bible Study to start and God spoke to me clearly, "Linda, you are doing all that you know how to live for me yet, if you don't change your path it will lead you to hell." The tears began to flow and I knew I could not make excuses any longer. That was my wake up call. I went from prayer line to prayer line looking for someone to help me get through this turmoil in my soul and I found no one that would. Most of them told me, "It happens, just get over it. You are a Minister, shame on you for not allowing God to work in your life." Needless to say, I was backed in the corner, so I turned to the one person I knew that could help me. God.


You are Bound No More.

Pastor Linda Hillman 

My Process (Revelation)

First you must realize that scars are reminders of what you have been through but scars don't hurt. wounds on the other hand, well that is a different story. If you can think about your hurt and still feel the pain, you are not experiencing a scar but a wound.

That is where I found myself in 2005. I thought I had forgiven those that had hurt me. I thought I had healed but I was making decision based on that pain - those wounds. Remember in my last post I said that God spoke to me and made it clear that my bitterness, hatred, strife, meanness was a slippery slope to hell. Well, that was the beginning of the end for me. I knew a change had to be made. I was not sure how to change but God spoke to me about commitment to Him and His word. Now I had thought I was committed to God, so how could God want more commitment from me. I was preaching and teaching his word, how much more did I need to commit to His Word? This is when I realized that you can be in church and not be saved. Let me explain. I loved the Lord and I knew how to pray. I sang in the choir, I preached the truth, God spoke to me. I had the Holy Ghost could speak in tongues for hours, I was baptized and believe me I had confessed Jesus and him crucified for years. However if you would have asked me what my relationship with God looked like, I would have told you all those things and still not answered the question. Why? Because my relationship was no existent. I knew of God, I heard about him but I did not know him for myself. I could recite the stories about him but I did not believe it for me.

I was too busy nursing my pain. I wanted to remain the victim so even God could not reach me. I was broken and not willing to heal. Moreover, I was hurting God and his people. I was a spiritual bully. I judged others because I was intellectual in my experience with God and I thought that made me better than the rest. The girl that had gone through so much abuse in my life, had now become the abuser. Now you see why God said I was on a slippery slope?

However, when god started to get through to me, I knew a change was needed. This girl had to hit rock bottom and believe me, I did just that. That's when true deliverance came and my healing process began. I am so much better for it too. I still have my flashbacks and moments of taking one step back but God is always there prodding me forward. He has sent wonderful people to me to help me and show me the way.

I pray that I become a beacon of light to others.

You are Bound No More.

Pastor Linda Hillman 

A Women Healed of Life's Experience

The one thing we need but many of us struggle to get is respect. In life, we will go through some hard times and if we are lucky, we will be able to come out on the winning side. However, what about the one that are caught in the cracks. Is there hope for the woman whose been abused (emotionally, mentally, physically or socially)? Who is there to let that woman know there is hope in her hopeless situation? 

We hear so much about sisterhood yet we are set apart. We gossip about one another, steal each other's men and if we get the chance, we will ruin another reputation so we look good. Now does this sound like sisterhood?

There is a story about a woman, who as a teenager suffered being molested, verbally abused and lived in a house of raging with domestic violence. This woman grew up with anger issues and never tried to deal with them. She had relationship after relationship fail. One day she came to the realization that the life she was living was just a shadow of what could be. She did not have to live with the pain, frustration and depression. She could rise above it. She could be free. However, she knew that wit would take some restoration of her inner emotions. She would have to learn how to look at life differently, not using her own reasoning because it was skewed and fragile.

She sought help from counselors and coaches that help her see past the hurt, habits and hang-ups. She was able to start a relationship on a healthy note and those negative friends – well she was able to influence them to be more positive. This did not happen over night it only started with a single step.

The first step can be the hardest however, if you are truly ready for healing to occur in your life then you will allow this step to take place, including removing all negative and unhealthy influences in your life. Many times, it is what we allow in our lives that hinder us the most. The woman mentioned above had to deal with the past in order to maintain her present and secure her future.We learned in history that if we do not learn from history it is bound to repeat itself. Well, this is true even in our lives. If we are not willing to learn from bad decisions, our fears, our failure and, even more importantly, our successes then we are bound to repeat them. Dr. Susan Jeffers says, “Life is not a struggle but an opportunity”. Additionally, you only get a single opportunity to make it count. Do not live with regret and remorse. Not to make light of the experiences you have been through, Nevertheless, if she can learn to let go of the pain and anger, then why not you? 

You are Bound No More. 

Pastor Linda Hillman 
(c) 2015 Living Above Hurt Ministries 

A Personal Testimony Part 4

This brings me to the next step I must admit my process started and stopped a few times, at this point. I did not want to relive the memories of what I went through as a child or young adult. Without that walk down memory lane and journaling exactly how I felt at given moments I would not have been able to release it the way I needed to. Almost a year before going through this process, a dear friend of mine tried to take me through this process and it backfired on him. He got to a point that he could not handle it. I prided myself in his defeat. I thought to myself that will teach him to fool with me. What I did not realize was this was God’s first attempt at taking me through this process but again I had not realized that I was the problem. After going through this process with God, I am thankful that my friend was willing to try to walk me through this. Even as I write this book, I realize that I need to go back to him and ask for his forgiveness. I was not rude to him at all but I was not open to what he was trying to walk out because God had put it on his heart.

There will be a time of brokenness as you deal with the emotions that stem from you remembering each piece part. However, this time of brokenness is needed. In order for truly wholeness to come sometimes you have be fall on the rock Christ Jesus and let him break up the fallow ground.

That is when I realized that this process does not end. It is ever evolving if you will. As new things surface you deal with them but the woman with the issue of blood had to say aloud what had happened to her. She had to tell the truth. She had to risk people smirking and laughing at her. She had to risk being scorned or ridiculed. The words of her story had to be told by her and relived so others would find the same path to healing. As she spoke the words, I believe that she realized it was over. She was not the same woman she was when she approached Jesus. This was her painful story. She experienced it. God needed her testimony. That seems strange to say God needed her testimony but it is true. He needed the people to hear her speak about her life. Those that knew her heard and could bare witness to her story. No one can tell your story like you.

When she finished, Jesus affirmed it all. He said because of your faith be made whole. He also, told her to walk in peace and be whole from her plague. You will start to feel different; God himself will affirm changes in you.

Once this process, is in progress you will see that it is a never-ending process. You will uncover things at each level that you will need to be set free from. The greatest thing is that you will be able to tell others what you have gone through and how god has changed you. I now give true hope to others because I understand this process. I have been made whole and want to take all those in need of the same healing along with me.

Life will bring great trials and tribulations. People will hurt you. You may have to suffer some things, but I have found that this process is a sure one to help me through every situation. God is always there to remove the scars, take away the pain and make me completely whole again.

You are Bound No More. 

Pastor Linda Hillman 
(c) 2015 Living Above Hurt Ministries  

A Personal Testimony Part 3

While there in Loomis, I had a dream (vision): I was standing in a dark room and the face of Jesus appeared to me. Although I could not see any specific characteristics, I knew it was Jesus. His face was so close that I could have reached out and touched it while still feeling the backside of my own hand against my face. He spoke and said, “Linda, I love you. I died for you. I want you to prophesy, preach and teach My Word.” When I awoke, I remembered shaking and feeling the love, I needed. I shared my vision with no one. I was not ready, not with so much hate in my heart. Later I did, return to God and accepted the calling he placed on my life. For the most part it was a wonderful feeling helping others through their hurt and understanding God’s love. The only problem was I was not practicing what I was preaching. I was still angry with God for not protecting me as a child.

My life was just a vapor of what it could be until January of 2005. I was tired of crying myself to sleep. I wanted to experience the God I had read about. I wanted to be complete. I wanted to be the woman He created me to be. I went to him in prayer and I asked to experience Jesus like never before, I was not satisfied to go to church, preach, teach, sing and pretend anymore. I wanted to be delivered. That night I did not sleep. I prayed all night. God directed me to Mark 5:25-35. When I read this account of the woman with the issue of blood, I understand the process I needed to go through to be completely made whole. I began to study this passage, and God showed me clearly, what I needed to do. I brought a journal and began to write everything down, my emotions, my thoughts, my actions, and most importantly my revelations.

The process is simple, the steps are needed and I guarantee that if you step out on faith, you will touch the hem of his garment. First, just as the woman did, we must realize that we need a savior. In our world, we are taught as children to be strong and to take care of ourselves. People say things such as: “Don’t let any one push you around.” “If you don’t love yourself no one else will.” “If you don’t take it, someone else will.” All these are true to a certain extinct, in the whole process you have to be a bit selfish when it comes to becoming WHOLE, in that you will not let anyone stop your process, however YOU cannot do it God has to start and complete the process. In this case, He does care for YOU.

Now that you have realized your need for Christ to step on the scene, the next step is lay aside your pride. Pride is a huge problem when it comes to God. He does not like it one bit. He actually loathes it. It will cause some undue pain and drama if you cannot relinquish your pride and surrender to God. The Bible says that pride goes before a fall. Therefore, if you are not able to let your pride go, you will have to be broken. In the Christian world, there is a saying, “fall on the rock, which is Christ Jesus, and be broken before the rock falls on you and you are crushed.” I am not sure who first said this but I can say this: that person must have lived that to even give such vivid imagery. Who said we could not learn from the mistakes of others. There is not a lot to say here. Let go of pride and let God begin the process.

You are Bound No More. 

Pastor Linda Hillman 

A Personal Testimony Part 2

The next morning, I was shocked when I looked at my face and there was no sign of the struggle I had been through the night before. I left the house in a daze and went to school. I knew that I was not going to be alone in the house with him, so I planned on cutting my last two classes and staying with my friends until I knew he had left for work. Returning home, there was a note to call my mother in his handwriting. When I called, I got home by a certain time each day, no exceptions, and no excuses. I was infuriated; naturally, she had not considered what transpired the night before. She was signing my death certificate. How could she pressurize me with such a stipulation? The security I experienced previously suddenly dissolved. I instantly feared for my life. As I started on my chores, I deliberated how I would exterminate my own life. At first, it was because I would not allow him to slay me. Indubitably, it developed into; who cared about me anyway, not even my own mother cared for my safety.

Lost in my thoughts of despair and planning how I would do the unmentionable, I could feel the helplessness washing over me. The next day I went to school and came home just as my mother ordered me. When I got there, he was there waiting fro me. He mentioned that he was missing some marijuana. I was not concerned with this because I did not smoke, drink or do drugs. Priding myself in this, I heard him say, “I know you took it and I am going to show you what happens to people who steal.” Wait did I hear that right, I was being accused of stealing and He was going to punish me for it. This must be a joke. I told him that he could not touch me and I would call my mother. He just laughed and explained he had told my mother and she had given him permission, for lack of a better word, to do what he deemed necessary. My heart fell once again, Could not she see through this. It was obvious to me. This was retaliation for my telling her I had been molested at his hands. I could feel my heart pounding. I started to search the room for something to protect myself. Even if that meant, actually taking my own life. I would not allow him to harm me. Before I could get a good planned mapped out he was hitting me with a belt. Swinging it wildly and letting it hit me where it landed. I screamed in agony, I yelled and tears flowed. It seemed to be happening in slow motion and the strikes from the belt seemed more intense and painful. Suddenly the phone rang. I ran to pick it up thinking it was my mother and she had realized what she’d done and was calling to stop him. Instead it was my next-door neighbor, they were hearing the commotion and wanted to know if I was all right. He took the phone and said everything was fine. However, I think this made him become a bit aware that he could not hurt me because there were witnesses. Therefore, he hit me a few times more and then stopped. When he left for work, my next-door neighbor came over to see if I was “still alive,” she’d confessed. I was even angrier. I turned my back on God, because how could God allow this to happen to me. I was just 7 when I remembered it first happening and now seven years later I was still tormented by actions, I had not invited nor wanted. It was not my decision to go through this. Why me?

In December, I was an awful mess. I had been cutting school more often, getting into fights. Everything I did was out of anger. I was not a happy carefree teenager, the things that other teens wanted and liked to do, did not interest me. Friends in Loomis, CA asked me to come up there for a few days. My mother said I could go and so I went. When I got there, I was this BIG city girl in a cow town. Loomis was like nothing I had ever seen before. I was more miserable and wanted to go home. However, I wanted to be away from the madness of my life.

You are Bound No More. 

Pastor Linda Hillman

A Personal Testimony Part 1

Many times, we hear that God will bless us in this life. However, what happens when your life is so scarred by your past that any blessing from the Lord seems to be a slap in your face. Well, this is how I felt a few years ago. Miserably saved would be an understatement. A friend asked me if I could accept the love of Christ. I admitted, “No. I could not see how God could love me. I had done so much wrong, even though I understood God’s redemptive power and forgiveness, I somehow felt it had run out for me. However, I did not know where else to go.”  Therefore, I stayed in the church just hoping, my penitence would be enough. How could an ordained Minister of the Gospel admit that she could not accept the love of Christ? How did my life get so confused that I was lost…lost in the Church…lost in the Body of Christ? How did my relationship with the one who died for me become so meaningless?

To answer these questions, I would have to tell you about my life before January 2005. We will begin in my teenage years. At the age of fourteen, I realized there was something unique about the way I processed information. I did not think like others my age. Since the age of four, I lived in a two-parent home. My mother remarried when she became pregnant with my brother, the relationship I had with my biological father was strained, at best. Now at the tender age of fourteen, for the first time in my life, I thought about taking my own life. Not only, did I think about it, I planned it. Some might say that what you have described so far is not a sad story; why would you want to end it all.

When I turned fourteen, I was excessively depressed and oppressed. I carried a secret that haunted me for years. I remember it as if it were yesterday, that I went to my mother and asked her, “Mom, want did your mother say when you told her that you had been molested?” My mother discerning my intentions never answered me. She turned and looked directly in my eyes and said, “Linda, did someone touch you?” She assured me that I could tell her the truth and that she would believe me. I remember the words flooding from me like water pouring over a waterfall. I told her everything. I could not remember when it had started but my earliest memory was when I was seven. She listened and then said that she would not confront the one responsible until he tried to do it again. She wanted to catch him in the act so he could not deny it. At first this seemed strange to me since he was a bad tempered man and this seemed like it would became painful for me. He would surely retaliate by striking me, when I cried out for help. I resolved in my mind that I would do it and take whatever would happen. I trusted my mother and knew she would do as she had said.

You are Bound No More. 

Pastor Linda Hillman 

What Matters Most is How Come

Many of us say this phrase after we have come out of a trial or hardship, “What the Devil meant for evil...” However, do we really believe this? What if you are still in the midst of your trial, can you say this phrase? Can you claim the victory even then? Do you ask “Why” me, why did I have to suffer? Do you harbor bitterness and unforgiveness? I know I did too, listen to my testimony and be set free. 

I was going through a time of just feeling empty. I had a good life, if I say so myself. I was working, had transportation, a roof over my head, a good church family, and people who cared for and loved me but I could not enjoy it because I was too busy wondering about all the negative things going on in my life. I was dealing with emotional scarring that had taken over my life. I remember falling into deep depressions and having manic mood swings. One day I would be higher than a kite feeling good about life and next I would be lower than the grave. I had lived this way for most of my life. I felt hopeless and lost, even with Christ in my life. My question was always, “Why did God allow this in my life? Why would He allow the test and trials to happen to me, His child?” I had tried to overcome them on my own. I had tried to do what the Bible said but to no avail. The reason being it was done in my own strength. I could not do it and the sad thing was I was not willing to give it over to God either. In many ways, you can say that I was content to live miserably saved. Now what kind of salvation is that? 

In your situation, you may be on the brink of your breakthrough and you need to understand that forgiveness for those that tried to take you out IS needed. Let God be God and let Him handle your enemies. You love them and pray for them. You stand firm on God's promises and GET UP! Though you may be down however, you are not out, GET UP! You may be hurting, GET UP! You may be questioning “Why”, GET UP! This is not the time for giving up but for getting up. God has not forgotten His promises to you and He is faithful to complete and bring them to fruition. Get up girl; your destiny is calling you! 

You are Bound No More. 

Pastor Linda Hillman 
(c) 2015 Living Above Hurt Ministries 

It's A Real Change that is Needed

Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind. As a man thinks, so is he. Our mind is a powerful muscle. Yep I said muscle because we must use it and exercise it. Just as you can sculpt your natural (bodily) muscles and train them to cause you to have a healthier body mass, it is also true for your mind.

The Bible says that we should have the mind of Christ. That his mind should be in us, however you can't do this effectively if you don't allow transformation to take place. You must allow renewal to occur.

So many of us have stinking thinking and that tarnishes our lives and purpose. It blinds us because we are so afraid of the unknown.

What if we just allowed God to be God and asked him to help us think as he thinks. Well.... I use a theory about the scripture about God being slayed even before the foundations of the world. One day, I was depressed about what I had gone through in my life, and God gave me this understanding. With this, it broke my depression instantly. Imagine this: one day God was sitting on his throne and wondered what if.... I created a world. A world that would house free will creatures that would be able to chose a relationship with me or not. He saw this world being created. He saw the events of our choices... He even saw the end of this world. But most importantly he saw his sacrifice on the cross and that it would not matter to some. He saw the hatred, the love, he saw the evil and the good. Think about what you have gone through in life and know that God saw it and when it was all said and done. God's thoughts became a reality and he spoke let there be!

Now some would find this to be disturbing. .. I find it to be comforting. Why? Because it allowed me to see that God had a plan even before I took my first breath. Just as Christ had to bear the cross, his resurrection had been planned. Let that sink in. So let this mind be in you.... The mind of Christ. You are not forgotten, there is a plan for your life and all the things you have endured and experience is a part of his plan. Nothing has taken Jim by surprise. So if we sit still... I promise you his thoughts will rush in and consume you... The healing (Resurrection) you need will emerge. ‪#‎DontCountMeOut2015‬ 

You are Bound No More. 

Pastor Linda Hillman 

(c) 2015 Living Above Hurt Ministries 

Coming Soon - Dont Count Me Out - Look for it on Amazon and where printed and Ebooks are sold.

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 Through the scripture and the story of the woman with an  issue of blood,  Linda Hillman moves past the obvious, more  common meaning of the text  to a revelatory truth: GOD  would not have us live unbalanced and  incomplete lives. In  her book WILL YOU BE MADE WHOLE, Linda reveals  just how  crucial balance is in every area of your life. Through scripture,  practical principles and faith, Linda shows the reader how to  get back on  track when life derails. In Pastor Hillman’s own  words—“The one thing I  have discovered in my life is that  the pains I have had to endure were not  to take me out of  the game but to polish me for the end result.” Get your  copy today and be made whole!

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In today’s microwave society, we want everything in an instant. And we want it now. Between instant gratification and a sense of entitlement, we often forget that GOD is GOD and HIS will be done. We can’t lag behind HIM and we surely can’t jump ahead of HIM. Linda A. Hillman’s new book, IN THE MEANTIME, addresses this very subject—waiting upon GOD. 

Through vignettes of the Prophet Elijah’s life, Linda reveals GOD’s plan for waiting upon HIM. This concise but rich study provides insight into the character of GOD and how HE takes us through steps of preparation, motivation and confirmation in getting us through our seasons of waiting. The beauty and truth of Linda’s message is that you can have the same glorious breakthrough as Elijah had.

Will You Be Made Whole

Based on the process of the woman with the issue of blood, there is a process we must all go through. I hope that you as the reader will share your process with me.

So let's look at the scriptures that contain this wonderful testimony. You will see that I do not call them stories in the bible. I believe that the Word of God is true and that each "story" is actually a testimony of the goodness of the Lord. So let's read her testimony.

 Mark 5:25 - 34 "And a certain woman, which has an issue of blood twelve years , and had suffered many things of may physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered but rather grew worse, when she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment. For she said, if I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole. and straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague. And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, who touched my clothes? And his disciples said unto him, thou seest the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me? And he looked round about to see her that had done this thing. But the woman fearing and trembling, knowing what was done in her, came and fell down before him, and told him all the truth. And he said unto her daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague."

Now you will also find accounts in Matthew and Luke. I will refer to those accounts but the main account is this one in Mark. Why did I choose this one and not one of the others. I believe the process can be followed in this account. However, before we get into the process I want to talk about the customs of the day. This is important in understanding the woman's position.

In my next blog I will talk in depth about the customs of that day based on the Law of Moses. I will talk about the understood mentality this woman had to have to even approach Jesus. But as I close this introductory post, let me say this. It's time you stop thinking your situation is the end. It does not matter what others have told you. you have to maintain that God's word is true and that you will stand on His word. As Paul said, "...and having done all, to stand... Stand therefore..." (Ephesians 6:13-14)

You are Bound No More. 

Pastor Linda Hillman 

(c) 2015 Living Above Hurt Ministries

  Get Your Copy Now!

 Through the scripture and the story of the woman with an    issue of blood, Linda Hillman moves past the obvious, more  common meaning of the text to a revelatory truth: GOD  would not have us live unbalanced and incomplete lives. In  her book WILL YOU BE MADE WHOLE, Linda reveals just how  crucial balance is in every area of your life. Through scripture,  practical principles and faith, Linda shows the reader how to  get back on track when life derails. In Pastor Hillman’s own  words—“The one thing I have discovered in my life is that the  pains I have had to endure were not to take me out of the game but to polish me for the end result.” Get your copy today and be made whole!