Well, today was a struggle for me. Not only did I struggle with making a schedule for my writing. I have been frustrated with the whole nine yards. I keep questioning God about if I am the right one to be transparent about events in my life and if what He is teaching me is something others want to know or read. Again, I was reminded it's not about my comfort zone. I read somewhere that all the things I have been through were not only ordained and allowed by God, but He was very much in control. It was so that God got all the glory and my flesh got NONE. I understand this but does it make me feel good about it. No.
Sometimes, I wish I could go deeper, say things more profound. touch the very inner core of those listening and reading my words. However, I am me and God loves me just as I am. As shallow as I may be at times, and this makes me cry tears of joy. Just to think that the God who spoke this world into existence, stops to listen to my prayers, to answer when I call, to give instructions, to guide, to lead, to love, to rebuke, to encourage, to discipline, and on it goes. Why wouldn't I want to give back my life for this limited time I have.
So I cry, I cry and I cry. Lord, I want to be pleasing in your sight, I want to do what you want me to do, my spirit is so willing, my flesh so weak. Please make me a vessel of honor and not dishonor. Mold me and make me after they will. This is not a cliche for me, but it's my honest prayer.
Back to my schedule of writing, I feel 2 hours a day is a good thing but when? I ask that you pray for me to remove the obstacles that I have to overcome to get this done. It's not as easy as it looks. It's not that I don't have the desire to do it. The desire burns deep within me. I have to want to, got to and will to. My struggle is with all that I am doing, will I feel guilty about sitting in a quiet place and writing when other things are pressing for my attention also. I am a creature of bad habits, hangups and hurts. However, I am learning that trusting God is the only way to live.
You see it is like God has asked me to go from point A to point B. I have made the necessary steps to start the journey, but I am in reverse instead of drive. So if delayed obedience is disobedience then what is misguided understanding. I mean I am doing something, but I am not doing what the Lord has asked me to do completely. Help me Jesus. I celebrate what I am doing well. I applaud myself for taking the journey, but I have to remember clarity is what is needed.
Thus, I cry tears of Joy? Why tears of Joy? Well, the very understanding that I am a wretch undone means there is still hope for me to change and change I will!
My journey will and must continue...
You are Bound No More.
Pastor Linda Hillman
(c) 2015 LAH Ministries International
Booklindahillman@gmail.com
Get Your Copy Now
Will You Be Made Whole
In The Meantime
Sometimes, I wish I could go deeper, say things more profound. touch the very inner core of those listening and reading my words. However, I am me and God loves me just as I am. As shallow as I may be at times, and this makes me cry tears of joy. Just to think that the God who spoke this world into existence, stops to listen to my prayers, to answer when I call, to give instructions, to guide, to lead, to love, to rebuke, to encourage, to discipline, and on it goes. Why wouldn't I want to give back my life for this limited time I have.
So I cry, I cry and I cry. Lord, I want to be pleasing in your sight, I want to do what you want me to do, my spirit is so willing, my flesh so weak. Please make me a vessel of honor and not dishonor. Mold me and make me after they will. This is not a cliche for me, but it's my honest prayer.
Back to my schedule of writing, I feel 2 hours a day is a good thing but when? I ask that you pray for me to remove the obstacles that I have to overcome to get this done. It's not as easy as it looks. It's not that I don't have the desire to do it. The desire burns deep within me. I have to want to, got to and will to. My struggle is with all that I am doing, will I feel guilty about sitting in a quiet place and writing when other things are pressing for my attention also. I am a creature of bad habits, hangups and hurts. However, I am learning that trusting God is the only way to live.
You see it is like God has asked me to go from point A to point B. I have made the necessary steps to start the journey, but I am in reverse instead of drive. So if delayed obedience is disobedience then what is misguided understanding. I mean I am doing something, but I am not doing what the Lord has asked me to do completely. Help me Jesus. I celebrate what I am doing well. I applaud myself for taking the journey, but I have to remember clarity is what is needed.
Thus, I cry tears of Joy? Why tears of Joy? Well, the very understanding that I am a wretch undone means there is still hope for me to change and change I will!
My journey will and must continue...
You are Bound No More.
Pastor Linda Hillman
(c) 2015 LAH Ministries International
Booklindahillman@gmail.com
Get Your Copy Now
Will You Be Made Whole
In The Meantime
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